Secrets

Intertwined

I was shrouded in warmth. 

The blankets loosely covering us as we lay in bed still held the warmth of the intimacy we'd shared only moments ago. Our hearts beat wildly in our chests, and a light sheen of sweat covered our bodies. I gazed at Jake's face, a thrill shooting through my stomach at the flushed rosiness of his skin. His warm dark eyes met mine, and he shot me a crooked grin, coming to rest beside me. He laid his head on my chest, his shaggy black hair tickling my neck. I wrapped an arm around him, a breath of content escaping my lips. 

This was one of my favorite places to be. In his bed, holding him to me after one of our 'sessions' as he liked to call them. It was almost ridiculous sometimes how he went to such stupid lengths to keep this as under-wraps as possible. Citing tiredness to our friends, using videogames as a cover up for what we did. It was one of our mutual rules: Nobody knows about our agreement except us. And for the last year and half, it's stayed that way. 

"Matt," he said, alerting me to the fact that he was trying to get my attention. "Dude," he chuckled, looking up at me. "Where did you go? I was calling you for a while there."

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "Just thinking about stuff."

He raised a brow, rolling his eyes at me. "When aren't you thinking about stuff?" He muttered rhetorically. Shaking his head, he sat up, sliding out of bed and searching for his clothes. I spared a second to admire his stark form before speaking again.

"Where're you going?" I asked, getting out of bed and looking for my own clothes. 

"Mom called me home for dinner," he groaned, tossing me my boxers. "Some huge announcement she and my dad wanted to tell us. Didn't sound too happy about it, so I'm fully expecting bad news."

"Want me to come with you?" I asked before thinking. Chagrin flushed through me, and I pressed my lips into a line as Jake glanced at me, frowning. 

"Nah, I'll be fine," he said after a moment. "My sisters will be there too. Oh, joy." 

I grunted in amusement, glad that my offer was quickly forgotten. What possessed me to say that, I had no idea. He's your friend, I thought to myself. It's kind of standard that you'd want to support him. But that didn't erase the feeling of unease in my gut. 

"Good luck," I said, coming over to clap him on the back. 

"Thanks," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He handed me my shirt, walking out of his room, and I followed, pulling my shirt over my head. "I'll be back tomorrow, probably. No need to wait up or whatever."

"Gotcha," I said, leaning in the doorway of my own room. We lived in a shared apartment, just the two of us. It was helpful for our friends with benefits agreement. No need to hide anything here unless we had company. "Be careful, bro."

"I will." He walked to the door, snatching his keys off the hook and waving as he walked out. 

I gave out a long conflicted sigh, flopping down on my bed with a groan. I let my mind wander, closing my eyes and breathing slowly. My mind wandered unsurprisingly to Jake, like it had been more and more lately. I saw him in my mind's eye, first the way that everyone else saw him. He was charismatic, a real charmer all his life. Anyone who met him couldn't help but like him. He always had a smile on his face, a joke or sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue, a crazy story to tell. His shaggy hair and brown lively eyes were always warm and inviting. That was Jacob Stratford, brilliant kid from a well-off family. 

But I knew Jake, my best friend since high school. My friend with benefits. Flashes of our intimate moments came to mind. The feeling of his warm skin on mine, my lips kissing along the line of his jaw, his hands running through my hair... These were the parts of Jake that only I knew. The parts of Jake that he trusted me with. The parts that made my heart race against my will and better judgment. 

I sat up quickly, hanging my head in my hands and groaning in frustration. No, I thought. I don't have any feelings for Jake. That's just ridiculous. I refused to let my mind ponder these things any longer. These 'feelings' couldn't exist. I wouldn't let them.  

I'd fight them off with everything I had.