Secrets

Claire

The sound of my phone ringing woke me up in a panic, my heart beating wildly in my chest. Beside me, Jake stirred, and I hurriedly grabbed it out of the pocket of my discarded jeans. "Hello?" I whispered into the receiver.

"Matt?" Sam's voice answered on the other end, slightly concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, hey Sam," I said, still speaking softly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Jake and I just fell asleep in the living room and I don't want to wake him up." It was an easy lie; gathering my clothes, I left the room and went into mine to continue the conversation. "What's up?" I asked at my normal volume.

"Well, Claire was asking when you wanted to go study Stats," Sam said. "She's free on certain days of the week and she wanted to work out a schedule with you. I told her I'd give you her number and that you'd be able to work it out with her. I think she's free on like Tuesdays and Thursdays or something like because of her classes, but she'll tell you for sure. Sound good?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I assured her. "Thanks, I'll send her a text right now."

"Alright, see ya later, bye!"

We hung up, and I finally noticed the text Sam had sent me with what I presumed to be Claire's number. Turned out Sam was right; we'd be able to meet Tuesday and Thursday evenings in the library for studying and tutoring. As luck would have it, that would mean I'd see her tomorrow. I only hoped she'd be as nice as Sam made her out to be. 

A knock came to me from my door, followed by a groggy voice. "What was that all about?" Jake asked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. My heart tugged at the sight, and I tried to keep the affection out of my small smile. 

"It was just Sam telling me about her friend Claire," I said offhandedly. "No big deal. I'm gonna meet with her tomorrow." 

"That's nice." Jake stood there in the doorway for a few seconds, silent, before speaking again. "I'm just gonna go back to sleep for a little while again."

I resisted the urge to frown, but the concern welled up inside my chest. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It's too early for me to be awake." He gave a tired laugh, but I didn't believe it for a second. He was bothered, obviously, but I wasn't sure that he would appreciate me pushing the issue. So I let him go. 

"Alright. I'll make us something so you'll have something to eat when you wake up," I told him, brushing past him with a pat on his shoulder. He gave another nod and slowly walked back to his room, closing the door behind him. I sighed, feeling completely helpless. Our sessions were somewhat helpful, but they couldn't be enough. Physically, it probably kept his mind off his issues, but no matter how much I offered the emotional support, I couldn't see it happening without him thinking that there was more underlying the offer. If he thought I had feelings for him, he'd drop it all in a heartbeat, I knew. And that was the last thing I wanted. 

A frustrated sigh escaped me as I brought the pancake mix out of our small pantry. There aren't any feelings involved with us, I told myself fiercely. Whatever I think I feel towards him isn't real. It can't be. It isn't.  

Twenty minutes and a stack of pancakes later, my resolve was set. Any feelings I had, I had to keep to myself and myself only. I wouldn't be the reason anything went downhill or ruined us. This was my best friend. I couldn't have feelings for my best friend. Not when we had a good arrangement going on. It worked; no feelings involved, just friends doing each other favors. That's it. 

~0~

I sat in the library twenty minutes earlier than Claire and I were set to meet. I had no idea what to expect. Sam hadn't really told me much about her, except that she was really good at Stats; if there was anything I needed to know, I supposed it was that. All I had to do now was wait.