Secrets

Sign of the Times

 "Just stop your crying
Have the time of your life
Breaking through the atmosphere
And things are pretty good from here
Remember everything will be alright
We can meet again somewhere
Somewhere far away from here..."

_____________________

Flying turned out to be... quite the experience.  It was like Natalia said--take off and landing were rough, but surprisingly, she made the trip enjoyable. I thought I'd be too scared the whole time to enjoy it, but through her gentle and soothing conversation, she coaxed me into looking out the window and eating the plane food they brought us. She was also nice enough to warn me about the horrors of plane food, and shared several stories that made me laugh and relax. The last thing I'd expected to find on this trip was a new friend, especially on the plane ride there, but already I was learning that this new adventure was going to be full of surprises. 

I found the next surprise once we'd found our luggage and made our way to the assigned buses that would take us to our dorms. The dorms were apartment style, two rooms with a kitchen and small lounging area, two people to a room. They'd be co-ed to fit more people, so I'd be rooming with another guy in my room and two girls in the other. They were all lovely people, the two girls, Anna and Jane, from a different school in London, and the guy I was rooming with, Marco, from a university in Canada. We were quite the mixed bunch, and they were very chill and just as excited to be here as I was. The flow of our interactions came with ease; by the time my mind caught up with me to really think about it, I had to sit back on my knees and take in the current moment. Our lights were all on, both room doors open, the girls had a speaker with music flowing from their room to ours, jokes and stories were being tossed around between us as we all unpacked our bags and settled into the place we'd be living in together for the next three months. It was peaceful, a smooth balm to the pain that ached in my heart. 

This is going to be good for me, I thought. The feeling brought a small smile to my face. 

"Matt," Anna called to me, sticking her head in the door with a small frown on her face. It took me a second to realize it was slight concern. "Are you okay in there? You kinda zoned out, I think."

I sent her a reassuring smile, shaking my head. "I'm fine, haha. Just thinking."

Jane joined her, both girls sitting on their legs in the doorway of our room. "You never answered the question," she sing-songed, sending me a teasing smile. "Why did you come up here to Spain?"

I hesitated for a second; what would they think if they knew the truth? If they knew I'd made the rash decision to come here out of heartbreak, to essentially run away from my problems? Would they judge me? Think of me differently? 

Marco seemed to catch onto my internal dilemma. "I came here to get out of my town, to be honest," he said, coming to sit beside me in front of my bed and suitcase. He leaned a shoulder on the mattress, facing all three of us. "There was a lot of shit going on back there that I just needed to get away from. I know, I know, bad things in Canada? Shocker." He chuckled humorlessly. "It was more of a family thing. I needed the space. And now I know that good things are gonna come out of this. It's gonna be a good time. And I need that."

He smiled at me softly, and I couldn't help but return it. "Me too," I said with a sigh. "Lots of bad shit going on in my hometown. In my apartment, with my best friend. We kinda... had a falling out. We had a good thing going and I ruined it and he just... didn't want anything to do with me anymore. And it hurt, having that rift between us that he didn't want to fix, so I just made the decision to come here. Seemed like a good option at the time. And now I'm starting to see that I was right." I looked at them, felt warmth blossom in my chest at their soft smiles. "I feel kinda bad running away from my problems, but... I needed to. And I'm glad I did."