I Will Fix You (Ziall)

Chapter 17

Why is it so hard for us to be honest?

Niall thought.

If only he can be honest then maybe he wouldn't be hurting right now. Maybe, he wouldn't feel this excruciating pain that's slowly eating him. Maybe, he wouldn't have this sad feeling of being scared. Maybe, maybe...

And now, seeing Zayn standing beside his bed, holding and reading a notebook, he's painfully scared. For if only he'd been honest, then he wouldn't feel this way.

Seeing Zayn's reaction was the worst. Niall saw how anguish, disappointment, sadness and guilt took place in his face one by one. And maybe, when all of these emotions met and Zayn's face couldn't take it anymore, a tear slipped out of his eyes. And another and another and another. Until Zayn, once broken and "fixed" himself by pretending and locking himself inside his own world is once again broken. More broken than before.

**~**

Niall is staring into nothingness that seems like forever. He can't comprehend what just happened. He can't believe Zayn now knows everything. It was supposed to be a secret. That secret is a burden meant only for him.

Now that he think of it, being honest is really hard. For honesty can hurt people. Honesty can make someone go insane.

Honesty can kill people.

Tears are streaming down his face.

He's supposed to protect these four boys from hurting each other but just look at what's happening, he's hurt someone. And it's Zayn! Worst of all it has to be Zayn.

He's sitting on his bed crying, head down, when he saw a pair of feet wearing toms in front of him.

The person kneeled and he put his fingers on Niall's chin. He pushed Niall's face up so they were face to face.

It was Louis.

At first, Niall was afraid for he saw anger in Louis eyes. He was about to turn away when Louis held him still.

He looked at Louis eyes and there he saw pity. And then sadness. And then love.

He wiped the tears on Niall's face then he hugged him.

Niall then started to sob harder. Louis just hugged him for a very long time.

He can't believe that Niall, the one who promised that he will fix One Direction, is now broken. More broken than any of them had been.

**~**

When Niall calmed down a little, Louis stood up. Niall whimpered, thinking Louis' now leaving. He held his hand tight like a kid holding on his mother's hand while they were out on a very big and crowded street.

Louis smiled at him reassuringly and he let go his hands. Louis walked out of the door and Niall felt lonely again. Though that feeling didn't last long because Louis walked in again holding a glass of water.

Niall mentally thanked Louis for this. His throat feels so dry right now. He drank the water and he put the empty glass on the bedside table.

Louis sat beside him looking at him intently.

"I knew what happened." Louis started.

Niall's head shot up to stare at him, his face shocked.

"You asked Zayn?" He asked Louis.

"Nope." Answered Louis.

Niall's face is full of confusion. For how would Louis know what happened when he and Zayn didn't exchanged a single word?

"I've been waiting for you Niall you know? For what, four, five, six days? I lost count. The boys have been waiting for you too, well I don't really know about Zayn 'cause he'd been in kitchen for days now. Today is the only day he left that place. And as for me, I've been waiting here. In your room Niall," Louis said.

Niall looked at him still confused.

"And I've read it too, you know..." Then Louis eyed the notebook that was dropped by Zayn and laid there forgotten.

Niall then pieced everything together and his eyes grew.

"So you know now that I'm...?" Niall can't finish his sentence.

"That you're gay? Yepp, I know that now."

"And the thing about Zayn?" Niall asked again.

"Every single thing about that Zayn thing." Louis said.

Niall's head bowed low again. He'd been silent for minutes.

Something is bothering him, Louis can tell. But he didn't want to push Niall so he let him wander in his thoughts.

"Are you angry at me?" That simple question crushed Louis heart.

He can't believe Niall will think that. He can't hate Niall, never. This charming leprechaun has something in him that you just can't hate.

"No." Louis said flatly. He wanted to say it straightforward and plainly so Niall will understand quickly.

With this answer, Niall's head shot up in surprise. And Louis will never know how that simple word affected Niall greatly in a good way.

"W-why?" Niall can't form any more words for if he pushed it, he might burst into tears.

"I-I really don't know... There's just some things that are unexplainable. But listen here Ni, I will always be your best mate, your big brother or anything. And no matter what happened or what will happen, I'll always be here for you. And... And I'm sorry. For everything that I've done and everything that I might do that'll hurt you." Louis' voice broke and it was Niall's turn to hug him tightly.

"I love you Ni." Louis said.

"I love you too Loubear." Niall said back.

And no one expected that there's someone who's lurking in the shadows watching them with pure hatred and malice.

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Sorry for the typos and grammatical errors.