Broken Soul Looking For Love

13 & heartbroken '

At the age of thirteen , I told my best friend Aliyah everything that I went through as a kid. She was always there for me so I knew who to call when I needed a therapy session. We talked about a lot of things that I grew up around . The drug and alcohol abuse in my home . The physical and even metal abuse I used to go through and the biggest subject was the sexual abuse. She knew it would never stop unless she said something to someone about it.
A few weeks had gone by since the conversation Aliyah and I had and nothing happened. I figured I was in the clear. Some days after , I had got called down to the guidance office . As I heard them repeatedly calling my name over the loud speaker, I remember sitting in the gym bleachers thinking " fuck this bitch done told the school about me " . Of course that's exactly what she did. It seems like yesterday that I took that long, depressing walk to the office. It took them four times to call my name before I actually built up the courage to go down there .I really did not want to retell my story. Once I explained it to the counselor, I knew I'd have to explain it to my mom and the cops. The cops meant nothing to me. It was my mother that I was worried about. I didn't know what she would think ,or if she would even believe me.
I sat down in the office, biting my nails. I was nervous about a lot of things but I don't think I have ever been as nervous as I was on this day. Mrs Forbis walked in the room. Two seconds later, my mother walked in behind her. My heart dropped to my toes as I felt my right cheek burning. All I could think was "damn, she didn't waste no time. " How could my mothers first reaction be to hit me right after finding out her boyfriend has been touching me for years ? How come she's not holding me telling me that I would be okay? How come she isn't wiping my tears telling me that her princess will be just fine? At this moment I hated Aliyah. Why would she do this to me? Make me face reality at such a young age. I was going to tell, just not yet. I wasn't ready.
I knew my mother saw me as competition. It's been like that ever since I knew what " competition" meant. My mother viewing me the way she did was because even though she would call me ugly and fat all day every day , she knew deep down inside that I was a very pretty girl. I overheard her telling her friends that she envied me one day so it all made sense . I had the pretty face , nice dimples, perfect skin tone & the nice ass & boobs my mother always wanted. Don't get me wrong, my mother was a Beauty herself, but she had a lot of insecurities.
     I ran through the story for the fourth time that week. I hated talking about it . Everytime I spoke upon the things we did when momma wasn't home , I'd feel so sick. As I told the story , I realized Aliyah did what was best for me but at the time I did not care. The way I saw it, I rather have my family in my life and be sexually abused than to have neither. Sacrifices, right ? I figured I'd sacrifice my childhood and my happiness to have my family. Of course it didn't work out that way. Once I finished telling my mom about specific moments and distinguishing marks on her mans body to prove I wasn't lying , I got to talking about the "worst day "  as Mrs.Forbis made a phone call. No more than 5 minutes later , the cops came to my school and took me away.