Broken Soul Looking For Love

The worst days

I remember my head pounding . The silence of the room as they waited for me to tell them what happened became unbearable. I finally broke the silence and began to tell them everything. I went on and on as the grey haired, white man listened. He had a young lady taking notes beside him as I spoke. I wasn't really introduced to her so I didn't know her name but I know she was helping the officer out. She was pretty and sweet but she rubbed me the wrong way. She almost seemed as if she had it out for me in some kind of way . As if she doubted me or something. If I was to say something , she'd question me and then question me some more. If I breathed or blinked the wrong way she would ask that stupid question! " Ms.Sanderson are you sure you're not lying ?" . Also, Every now and then she would turn off the recorder and ask me a question then turn it back on for half my answer. It didn't make sense to me, but I still kept the ball running.
As I rambled about the horrible moments I had been partaking in for seven years, I got to the worst days. Of course some days were okay because they were what I called " simple days" or as some people call it for their partners , they were " quickies.". I liked those . Now I didn't actually like it but I liked that on some days I could choose between that and a full blown session . Christmas, 2013.. the worst, worst day ever. As a kid I always loved the holidays. Christmas and the Fourth of July have always been my favorite. That soon changed, at least for one of the two holidays.
Christmas Eve , the night that all the holiday cheer and excitement built up for most kids. Of course mine was the opposite. Fear and anger were my feelings that miserable night. I knew Sam had a trick up his sleeve and I had a feeling it was going to be released on Christmas Day.
I remember my mom laying in bed on Christmas morning. She was sick as a dog , so I understood why she stayed asleep. My brother and I knew we weren't getting much of anything anyways, so we didn't bother waking mom up. I can clearly recall myself opening a gift that was wrapped in old , ugly wrapping paper. Inside was a note pad with my name handwritten in sharpie at the top. Confusion filled the room as all the kids looked at Sam to figure out what it was, but I knew exactly what it was. It was a book filled line by line, of all the things he loved about me. At the middle of the book is all his favorite times and the back was my least favorite part. " I'M SORRY " was printed at the top of the last few pages. After glancing at it, I knew he was apologizing for doing the bullshit he's been doing to me. I put the book down quickly hoping no one was reading over my shoulder. Luckily, I was safe. Everyone finished opening their gifts and dispersed. I remember feeling someone staring at me as I sat down on the couch watching the polar express. Once Sam realized that I noticed him looking at me, he got up to sit next to me.
He slowly starts kissing on my neck and I move away. I prayed to ever " GOD" there is that he wouldn't do no foul things to me on Christmas ! He started rubbing my thighs , forcing his hands in between my legs to see if I was wet. He then unbuttoned my pants and laid me down on the couch. At this moment , this became the worst , worst day ever.
Ten minutes after he was inside me , Sam finally "finished" . As he pushed me off of him , I tried to pay close attention to The Polar Express movie rather than what I was going through. All I could think was , what if my mom gets up? I was scared but hurt for the most part. How could he apologize then do what he just apologized for? He couldn't get enough of me and that hurt my soul.