Kathang Isip

Pointless

I don't know why it's always you. I don't understand myself. I don't have a reason to write anymore. It's always you--the reason why I write, the reason why I create colorful paintings using words of black and white.

In all of my stories with different leading men, different names and different characters it's always you who I always think about. It's always you who I imagine.

Now that you're gone. Now that we ended, it seems like every story that I write is meaningless, it's like  a story without a story.

It can't answer the questions "why did you wrote that?", "who inspired you to wrote that?", "what's the story behind that story?".

Every story that I write is nothing but words, i don't think it's a story at all.

Every word should have a story and every letter should express emotions. Since the day you left, it seems like you took my favorite pen away that I can't write, it's like my brain can't think of a single word to begin with.

Everything is so messed up. I want to write but I can't, besides it will only end up as a compilation of words not as a story.

I stopped writing and I made a promise to myself that I'll never write until I'm completely healed.

Years passed, I know I'm already healed yet I can't even write a single word.

It's funny how destiny let me see a glimpse of you again, it's funny that you didn't noticed me, it's funny that we bumped on each other's shoulders yet you didn't knew it was me, it's funny that to you its like I'm not existing at all.

The funniest thing is that, I want to write. After having a glimpse of you, words came rushing into my mind as if there's already a finished story, I'll just have to write it.

It's always you. It's like my hands was made to write, my pen was made to bleed the ink, my mind was made to fabricate words for me to create a story that revolves around you.

I can't write anything if it wasn't you. I can't think of a leading man if he's not like you. I can't think of anything but you.

Every story, every leading man, every character and every scene, it involves you.

I think I'm cursed to write about you, always you.

And now, as I write this, it's you who I'm thinking about, it's you who gave me the reason to write, it's you, it's always been you.

Now I'm begging, please give me another reason to write, please let me create a story that can tickle the hearts of the readers and please let me write a story that doesn't involve anything about you.