Humanity // Delena

20 seconds

*DAMON*

Elena went straight upstairs with Stefan. She wouldn't speak to me for the entire journey home. She couldn't even look at me. I finally left  Cade. I was free to go a long time ago but I enjoyed it. That was without my humanity though. Now that I have turned my humanity on, I have an abundance of regret.

It was almost odd walking into my old house. The house were I had fun memories, bad memories, memories with Stefan. . . Also, some of my best memories with Elena. I walked over to the table beside the sofa with a bottle of Bourbon on it. I picked up a glass. It hadn't been finished. He left in a rush. He's still in love with her. They were supposed to end up together. Just the way the universe works really. 

I picked the unfinished glass up and downed the Bourbon. I sat on the sofa. Elena and Stefan must have been directly above me as I could listen in to them. I heard Elena crying. Stefan spoke, "He made mistakes, Elena. A lot of them. Some of them were awful. Some of them barely made a difference. You have no idea what was happening to him or what was going on in his head. None of us understand. All I know is that he is sorry."

"He can be sorry all he wants," she spoke with a shaky voice that breaks my heart every time, "He will be sorry for the rest of his life. He's overstepped the line. I'm done. I can't be with my brother's killer."

"You don't have to be," Stefan said, "But I know you want to be."

I heard footsteps then I could no longer here them. I walked over and turned to music on. I could feel a presence appear in the room. I couldn't bring myself to turn around. I spoke in a hushed tone but so she could hear me, "Elena."

"Damon, you aren't taking the cure," She spoke. I turned around as the words she spoke shocked me. "I can't overlook the fact that you murdered my brother-"

"You don't have to," I panicked, "I can explain."

"You have 20 seconds," she crossed her arms, "before I leave."

I walked up to her and said, "I murdered people in cold blood. When I murdered Jeremy. . . My humanity pushed back in. I broke down. I carried him in my own arms to the police station and compelled them to call Stefan. Jeremy had a funeral. I killed people and left them to rot on the ground. But not Jeremy."

She stood silently for a moment before stating, "20 seconds is definitely up." She turned around and began to walk. She stopped. She turned around. "When I woke up, all I wanted to do was to run into your arms. I missed you. I miss my friends. I miss the love of my life."

"I'm still here," I exclaimed!

She yelled, "But it's different now, Damon. Stefan has barely had any human contact. Caroline and Alaric had kids and moved on with their lives. Bonnie and Enzo ran off together to Paris. Bonnie's dead. Damn it Damon, I was basically dead for crying out loud." She was crying once again. I haven't seen her this lost since Jeremy died and she had to turn her humanity off to cope. "I was dead but you were too busy killing innocent people to miss me or even-"

"I missed you more than anything I've ever lost in my life!" I yelled as i took a step towards her. She looked so fragile in her beautiful blue dress. "I couldn't live without you. You might have been asleep but I felt as though you were gone forever. I didn't know if Kai was lying. You might have been linked to me and he lied. I thought I was going to lose you forever!"

"You have lost me forever," My heart sank as those words left her lips for the second time I have known her. "You lost me the second you killed Jeremy."

"I hated myself! I still hate myself, Elena. You have every right to hate me. You have every right to hit me, to hurt me. . .even to kill me. If you killed Stefan, I wouldn't know what to do with myself!" I screamed. God, I hate having my emotions back. "You know what? Things were easier when I flipped the switch. No more self-hatred. No more memories making me feel bad. I had to turn my humanity off. It was the easier option."

"So you didn't fight it?" She asked.

"I couldn't!" I yelled, "You have no idea what Sybil was doing to my mind."

She shook her head as she looked around the room, as if she was searching for the words to say. "There's no point fighting anymore. It's best if you just leave me alone."

She went to walk away when Caroline and Alaric walked in. Caroline ran over and hugged Elena. Alaric just stood at the door, glaring at me as he knows exactly the sorts of things I have done. Caroline smiled at Elena, "I'm so happy you're back." She saw me behind Elena and stepped back, "What are you doing here? Going to kill us now too?"

"My humanity is back on," I said, "Now if you will excuse me, I'm going upstairs." They all just watched me with vengeful expressions. I walked upstairs and into Stefan's room. He was sat at his desk, reading his old journal. I leant against the doorframe and said, "So you're still in love with Elena then?"

He closed his journal and looked up at me. He stood up and hesitated before speaking. He said, "Damon-"

"I don't need a lecture, Stefan," I sighed, "I made mistakes. I killed innocent people. I hurt those I love. I ruined everything. Believe me, I don't want to talk about it." He simply nodded as he understood. "She couldn't even string a sentence together. She was looking around as if the right thing to say was going to pop out from behind the curtains. She hates me, Stefan." I walked over and sat on the edge of his bed with my head in my hands.

"No," he shook his head. "She loves you," he smiled even though I knew it was killing him. "She also loved Jeremy. She's hurting, Damon. And the one person she always runs to when she's hurt is now the person who hurt her. She's going to feel so lost."

"Oh sorry," I heard Elena's voice so my head instantly shot up. She was stood in my previous position. "I was just looking for Stefan."

I stood up. "I see how it is." I stormed out.

"Damon, wait!" she said. 

I shook my head as I continued walking, "No. There's something I have to do." I walked downstairs to see Enzo on my couch, a broken mess. He looked up at me and instantly stood. I rushed over and we both engulfed one another in a hug. He cried into my shoulder. "We both lost the love of our lives. Do me a favour?" I whispered, "Come with me. I need to make a decision."

He followed me outside. He closed the door and asked me what I was doing when I opened the door to my car the Stefan had been driving. I ripped the light off the roof of the interior. The small black box fell out. I grabbed it, closed the car door and turned to Enzo. I said, "I put this the night that we all put Elena to rest."

"The cure?" he looked at me with wide eyes. "Look mate, she's not just going to forgive you if you take some stupid potion."

"Anything, Enzo, anything is worth a shot," I said desperately, "even if that means crawling to the doors of all those I killed and apologising to their family then I will do it. If it means tracking down some powerful witch to get Baby Gilbert back. . . I don't care!"

"Okay," Enzo said. He went to walk inside but he turned around and said, "Make the most of it because if I had it my way. . . your girlfriend would still be lying asleep and clueless and I would have Bonnie. Do you think I give a damn about you and Elena? If I thought that getting rid of Elena would bring Bonnie back, I would and-"

I ran and him and speared him through the door. Elena, Stefan, Caroline and Alaric all stood up as we came crashing into the room. I was on top of Enzo punching him and screaming like the little psycho I am. Stefan and Alaric rushed up to me and pulled me off him while Caroline helped Enzo up. Elena yelled, "Damon, what are you doing?"

I pushed Stefan and Alaric off me. I looked my favourite face of all. I smiled, "I'm going to make things right." I disappeared.