Ruby -joshler-

chapter one

possible trigger warning- suicidal references 

Josh's P.O.V:

     I couldn't stay in the room any longer. I couldn't just sit there watching my best friend die. She was so helpless. Just laying there, relying on a machine to pump oxygen into her lungs because she's been weakened so much by her stupid disease. It was irrational of me, I know, but I just stormed out of the room. I'm upset with myself for doing that. I'm upset with the doctors for not helping her more. I'm upset with God for slowly taking her from me.

     I shoved my hands into the pockets of my Blink-182 sweater that I got from Ava, two weeks before Christmas. She was afraid she wouldn't last long enough to give it to me on Christmas. The cancer in her lungs was stronger than her, and she knew it. Three days later, she was forced to be hospitalized when she collapsed, unable to breathe. And now, my closest friend will never be able to graduate high school with me. 

     I was getting lost in my thoughts. Tears blurred my vision, contorting everything. The walls were blending into the floor. It looked like I was falling. Before I could even blink my tears away, they spilled out my eyes like raindrops down a window. Ava was dying. I wanted to scream and throw something and just totally flip out. I probably would've if I hadn't ran into him.

Tyler's P.O.V:

     "NO!" I know my scream sounded desperate as the heart monitor connected to Ruby's hospital bed beeped. It was a long beep. Not a short burst like an alarm clock, but just as sharp. "No." I repeated. This time, it sounded like a plea. My voice broke, and a lump formed in my throat. I didn't even try to hide the tears running down my face. 

     I walked ever so briskly out of the room. My thoughts were racing. Ruby's dead. Your only friend is gone. She's dead because you couldn't save her. I literally just walked aimlessly, sobbing as I did. My fists were balled up by my sides. I looked down at my feet as I walked. I was miserable. I couldn't save her. I couldn't make her see the worth that truly was in her life. I was so mad at myself. 

     I was wondering if Ruby was happy in heaven. I promise you, she was so perfect. In everything she did. She was so kind, she wouldn't ever hurt anyone. Except herself. She claimed she was just an angel who wanted to go home. I believed her, but I still held onto her. But it wasn't enough.

     My thoughts were interrupted when I ran into someone. Neither of us were looking where we were going, and we collided. Our foreheads smashed together really hard. I fell backward, and so did the other person. I rubbed my forehead, wincing at the pain. I sat up. 

     "I'm so sorry!" I apologized profusely. "I wasn't looking where I was going, I'm so sorry!" I was blabbering like an idiot, and my voice was crackly and dry. At first I felt sort of embarrassed because a I knew my eyes were puffy from crying and my face was wet with tears. Then I realized he was crying too. Dark bags under eyes hinted at the many sleepless nights he'd probably suffered during. 

     His hair was curly and messy and brown, shaved at the sides. His mocha brown eyes were tired and worn out. He wore a black sweater with a white Blink-182 logo on it. He had light gray skinny jeans on, and a pink cancer bracelet. 

     "Are-are you okay?" I stuttered. It was a dumb question, since he clearly wasn't. But he still tried to cover up his emotions.

     "Yeah. I'm just tired." He lied. His depressed expression was soon replaced with a fake smile. "How 'bout you?"

     I frowned. Why was this guy here? Why was he crying? "I-um-er..." I didn't know what to say. I didn't want pity from anyone. Especially a stranger I had just ran into. But I didn't want to lie. "No."

     His face fell and he lost the false sense of happiness. "Me neither." He shook his head sadly. He looked back up into my eyes once again. "Why are you here?" He questioned softly.

     "Visiting a f-friend." Once again, tears were pouring down my face. I was just crying silently, not making a noise. "You?"

     "Same." His eyes filled with tears and I could tell he was trying really hard not to cry. "What happened to yours?"

     "She killed herself." I replied with a voice full of bitterness. His eyes widened sympathetically. I knew that would happen, and that's why I hated telling him what happened. I felt pathetic enough already. I looked back at the pink bracelet wrapped around his wrist. "Cancer?"

     He sat up abruptly. "How did you know?" He seemed surprised. I pointed at his bracelet. He glanced down at it and relaxed, but he still had a miserable look in his eyes. "Yeah. She's got it in her lungs." There was anger dancing in his eyes like flames. 

     I was about to try and comfort him when a doctor with a cart nearly ran over us. "Move over, boys!" His voice sounded agitated, like he was oh so pissed off to be at the hospital, helping people in need instead of spending his Wednesday at the bar. I got up and grabbed the other boy's hand, pulling him up. The doctor wheeled his cart away, huffing about 'kids these days'.

     I let go of the boy's hand and walked across the wide hall to two cushioned blue chairs, like the ones in a waiting room. I held my face in my hands. Why did Ruby have to leave? Why did she take herself away? I immediately felt guilty for thinking like that. Ruby was wretchedly depressed when she was alive. It would've been selfish to make her stay alive. But it still hurt so bad.

     "What's her name?" The boy's voice broke the choking silence. What was her name. I corrected him mentally, but I didn't dare say it out loud, for the fear of breaking down again. "Ruby." I croaked. "Her name was Ruby. What about your friend?"

     "Ava." Was all he said. I nodded sadly. "What's your name?" He asked out of the blue.

     "Tyler." 

     "I'm Josh." He didn't reach out his hand for me to shake, which was sort of unusual, but I didn't really care.

     We just sat alone in the hallway. Soon enough, my mom came down the hall. She saw me sitting in the chair by Josh. She ran over to me, crying.

     "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so so sorry." Tears were streaming down her face. Everyone was crying. That's why I disliked hospitals so much. Everyone was so downcast. I started crying again, and my mom hugged me. I stood up and we just stood there hugging, with Josh sitting there, probably feeling mega-awkward. 

     "I'm going to go talk to Ruby's mother. I want you to stay here, okay? She's in a lot of pain right now." My mom walked away after kissing my forehead. I nodded and she walked back down the hall. I slumped down in the seat and began sobbing as soon as she passed the corner. For some reason, I didn't want her seeing me crying.

     I tensed when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Josh reaching over to me. He smiled through his tears. "It'll be okay, man." He tried to comfort me. No it won't. I said silently in my head. But I nodded. He already pitied me, I didn't need any more sympathy.

     "I've gotta go." Josh said. He looked sorrowfully down at me as he stood up. A woman who look similar to him was walking down the same hallway my mom did. "Wait a sec." He said before he began to walk away. He pulled a marker out of his pocket. "Cool if I write my number on your hand?" I nodded.

     He uncapped the marker and wrote his number across my hand. "Bye Tyler. It was good meeting you." He paused before saying the next part. "Stay alive."

||Welp, I was tearing up the whole time I wrote that ;~;  Hope you guys like it, though! I'm really excited to be writing this, I love Joshler more than I love my own life||