Chasing Reality

11

"Well I like calling you Spence. It just fun today." I reply. "Spence. Sppenncee." I say it a few times.

He watches my mouth the whole time. He seems to be mesmerized.

We are unbelievably close and I can feel my pulse quicken. He starts to leave in and all my breath leaves my body. He than planes an innocent kiss on my cheek. I swear the skin on my cheek starts to tingle.

I was honestly disappointed that was all I was going to get until he turns his head ever so slightly. His lips brush against mine and my brain is struggling to process what's going on. His lips move against mine, before I know it my tongue is tracing his lower lip for access.

He parts his lips and his tongue is soft against mine. I pull away quickly, this is the wrong timing. I am completely over Jesse, but the way he treated me will haunt me forever.

He made me not trust anyone. Spencer and I have grown closer thank I have to anyone in years. I just still can't help but doubt myself and what would happen if I ever loved someone again. Love is such a vulnerable thing.

"I'm so sorry. That was very inappropriate." He bites his lip.

I shake my head "No, Spencer. I like you." I say hesitantly. "I really do, but with Jesse doing this it really messes with my head."

He still doesn't make eye contact with me. I wish he would so he could see how sincere I am.

"I feel like I need to tell you something." He says.

The tone of his voice makes my skin crawl.

"I..." He seems to be struggling to find the words to say which is new to me because he knows practically everything and is so sure about everything he says.

"The whole dating thing is not something I'm use to. I've only had one other girlfriend really and that was years ago." He is fidgeting with the ends of my hair but I don't even thinks he knows he is. "I don't do anything sexual outside of relationship, this here is even abnormal for me."

"Spence, we don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Trust me, I'm not any more experienced at relationships than you." 

He bites his lip and now I just watch his mouth. I will admit I'm probably more experienced sexually than him but I just feel there is really no way to determine that. He yawns and i just start to realize what time it is.

"We should go to bed." I say standing up.

"I can just sleep here." He says which makes me a little disappointed. I like sleeping with him, but I also promised not to push him. Though we have already slept in the same bed once.

I don't argue and get him a blanket from the closet. By the time I return to the couch he is already half way asleep. I clover him up and take a risk and kiss him on the forehead.

It kind of worries me how fast I found myself liking him. With how much of an amazing guy he is, it's really hard not to.

I walk into the kitchen, forgetting about the mess we didn't clean up. I try my hardest to keep quiet as I do. I load the dishwasher and clean off the dining room table. When I walk back by him his lips are parted and he is breathing heavy.

I walk back into my room and put my hair up, and change into something more comfortable. I brush my teeth quickly before climbing into my bed. The sheets are a bit cold and it makes goosebumps raise on my skin. I just stare at the ceiling for what feels like forever. Thinking about the boy on my couch.

*Spencers POV*
I wake up to yet another brain aching headache. They have been unstoppable for the past couple months.

I glance around the dark room, now remembering I'm at Kathryn's. Last night felt like a dream, we kissed.