Falling is the easy part (Camren)

14

Lauren:

I didn't want to open my eyes. Just in case this had all been a dream. Just in case this wasn't all real. Just in case this was all in my head. But no, the weight of an arm draped over my stomach, the stray black hairs tickling my chin, the leg hooked over mine. She was here. Still here. Camila, she was here, still, in my bed, cuddled up to my side.

I'm sharing a bed, my bed, with the girl of my dreams. Again. The most gorgeous girl in the world is in my bed. Her body pressed into mine. My arms around her hugging her as close as possible. She just seemed to fit you know? Like she was always meant to be there. Her head just seemed to fit under mine, tucked into my shoulder. It felt so natural.

But.

We'd fallen asleep on opposite sides of the bed. Literally. It was awkward. Verging on the uncomfortably so. We'd gone to bed once the DVD was done. Camila had looked exhausted, practically fallen asleep against my shoulder in my arms. I'd suggested we call it a night and turn in, and then she went all shy again. Taking an offered tshirt to sleep in and climbing into my bed quietly on the same side she'd slept in on that first night.

And we'd just laid there. Silently. Afraid to say or do anything. Or at least I know I'd been too afraid. Shitting myself really. Here was this girl in my bed, and I didn't have a clue why. She'd been a wreck earlier. And she'd asked if she could spend the night. But I didn't have the slightest idea why, or what had happened.

It was a bit, I don't know, scary.

Now, here I was waking up with her all cuddled up to me. Which I'm guessing had happened sometime during the night. And don't get me wrong, it feels good, amazing even, to have her in my arms, to know that it was me she ran to when she needed someone.

It's like a new step in our relationship.

If this can even be classed as a relationship. Can it? I mean I want it to be. God, do I want it to be. But until last night, all we did was sleep together. And flirt. But that's about it. There's no talking about feelings. In fact there's very little talking at all. Unless it's about going to bed again and shagging each other's brains out. That's hardly the basis of a relationship is it?

But I like her. Like really like her. I'm falling so hard and so fast it scares me. I want this to be a relationship. I want to wake up every morning like this. I care about her. I want her to be okay. And I dunno, her turning up on my doorstep in tears suggests that she's not.

I need her to talk to me.

And I think she wants to talk to me. Just there's something holding her back. I'm sure of it. This all just can't be because she's confused about what's going on between me and her. Or because she's confused about her sexuality. This is more than that. This is what's behind the sad eyes and the lily tattoo. I know it is. And I'm gonna get her talking. I have to.

Camila shifted slightly in her sleep, her hand clutching at my hip and her breathing deepening a little. She's waking up. Please tell me she's not gonna freak and run away again.

Please?

This is meant to be our breakthrough moment. This is meant be a step in the right direction. A step towards a relationship. A step towards there being a me and Camila. A proper me and Camila. More than just sex. Not that the sex is bad. Obviously. But we can have more than that now. Right? Please?

I tilted my head a little, watching Camila's face as she woke slowly. Her eyelids fluttering, her lips twitching. She looked beautiful. Really beautiful. And carefree. Almost like last night hadn't happened. I trailed my fingertips over her forehead, tucking a length of her hair behind her ear and then grazed my lips over the same spot. I don't want her to run. I don't know if I can take it. As strange as it was finding Camila sobbing in a ball outside the flat door, I wouldn't change it for the world. Whatever had happened, whatever it was that got her into that state had brought her to me. Had left her here tucked up in my bed, wrapped up in my arms, having spent the night.