Falling is the easy part (Camren)

15

Lauren:

The rest of the Easter break carried on much the same. There were no more tears, well not that I know of, and no more breakdowns or turning up on doorsteps looking all broken, just lots and lots of sex. The best and hottest sex I've ever experienced. Camila had me in the changing rooms, in the toilets at the SU, in the shower, against the kitchen units, on top of the kitchen units and my personal favourite, on the coffee table. She's incredible. In every single way. She's just unbelievable you know?

And she stays over now. Not every night. But she won't just jump out of bed and start getting dressed, reeling off excuses about early training. Since that night, which by the way, hasn't really been spoken about in the past two weeks, it's like we're actually something. I don't know what exactly, but it's something, it's more than just sex. Or at least, it is for me. It's something, I know it is.

Okay so maybe there's still not much in the way of talking and sharing and the whole discussing feelings, but I get to wake up with her cuddled up to me, my arms around her. And that's something. And I get to steal cheeky kisses first thing in the morning when we just lay about chatting shit and being all cosy. I don't know what that makes us. I haven't asked. I don't wanna push her. I don't want her running away from me, or hiding, or denying anything. I don't wanna scare her off. Now that I've got her, in my bed, falling asleep with me, waking up with me, cuddling me, I don't want to lose that. I can't.

I think I've fallen for her. Head over heels.

No. I know I've fallen for her. Head over heels. Hook, line, and sinker. Fast. And hard. I'm putting my heart on the line. I'm falling in love with her. I'm falling in love with Camila. In love. Properly in love.

Which is why I'm stood nervously now in the living room of mine and Jay's flat, having ensured he will be out for the night, take away menu waiting on the coffee table, two bottles of white wine chilling in the fridge, and every inch of my bedroom meticulously cleaned. I want tonight to be something special. Something more like a date. Or as close to a date we can get considering she probably still doesn't want to be seen in public with me like that. Which I can kinda understand. She just wants time right? And I can give her time. And then everything will be perfect. And we can be together, like properly together. Don't ask me why I'm so nervous about this, I dunno why. I know it's just Camila, that we've had loads of nights in now, but this is different.

And maybe tonight, if everything goes alright, when we've eaten a nice meal, and had a couple of glasses of wine, all snuggled up on the sofa, maybe then I can broach the whole 'girlfriends' subject. Maybe.

Although something gives me the impression Camila doesn't do being someone's girlfriend, let alone being the girlfriend of another girl. I'm fairly sure she's less of the relationship type of girl than I am. Though I'm sure she hasn't been with anyone else over the holiday. How can she have been? Unless she had done so on the few nights we hadn't seen each other. And that's only a handful of days. Especially now she's started sleeping over, we've seen each other practically every day over the past three weeks. That kinda makes us, like, exclusive right? I know I haven't been with anyone else, haven't even thought about it. Why would I when I have Camila texting me all the time, telling me she wants to see me, that she wants to come over and spend the night rolling about in my bed, or asking me to meet her at the pool for a quickie in the changing rooms. Why would I even think about being with anyone else when I have the most amazing and beautiful girl wanting me? When I'm falling in love with the most amazing and beautiful girl?

So back to the 'date' tonight. Camila's housemates are all back in Miami tomorrow, which I'm guessing, will cut down the amount of time we get to spend together. Unless, by some sort of miracle, Camila woke up today with an overwhelming need to tell people about us spending the past three weeks shagging. Which I highly doubt. I'm thinking when she asked for time, she meant longer than a couple of weeks right? And I can understand that, I can. Honestly. I'm not gonna be completely heartless and ask her to come out for me straight away. I know how hard that can be, obviously. So anyways, I'm hazarding a guess that after tonight we won't get to spend every night fucking each other's brains out. Hence me wanting to do something special.