Falling is the easy part (Camren)

17

Lauren:

It took me a moment to engage my brain with my legs. And then another moment to decide what direction I was going to move in. Once outside the pub I leant up against the wall sucking in air and trying to calm my racing heart down.

Jay and Camila? Camila and Jay?

That was definitely Jay with Camila. No mistaking that wavy black hair, those sad brown eyes, those toned arms. Toned arms wrapped around my fucking best friend. Fuck. Jay and Camila! All cosy and intimate on a Sunday afternoon. No wonder she was in a rush to leave me this morning. No wonder she avoided my eye when I tried to bring up the whole relationship thing last night. No fucking wonder she doesn't want there to be an us. She's getting the best of both worlds. Shagging me and shagging Jay.

Because why else would they be together, talking all privately, hugging. They've got to be fucking shagging each other. Jay doesn't do anything else with girls. He doesn't have any other females friends. Not unless he's getting something out of it. Or like me they're gay. And as for Camila, well, she's got the same bloody reputation. Probably realised Jay's the only poor bastard in Miami that she hasn't slept with already. They're practically fucking made for each other aren't they? Probably laughing at me behind my back. She's probably telling him how much she loves sex with guys, how I didn't even come close.

She's fucking straight!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I kicked back against the wall pushing myself away from it. I can't have them find me here. Not like this. Not now I know their dirty little secret. Jay and Camila. My best mate and the girl of my dreams, the girl I'm falling in love with.

Fucking hell.

Now I need a drink even more. A strong one. A large strong one. Fuck this. Fuck them. I started running. Fuck my stupid trust in people, fuck my stupid caring nature, fuck my stupid desire to fall in love. I was back at the flat in minutes slamming the door hard behind me again. Fuck my stupid, fucking, broken heart.

I rummaged through one of the kitchen cupboards, my hands finally wrapping around the neck of a bottle of vodka. Fuck them. Fuck Camila and her beautiful eyes and her perfect smile and her strong body. Fuck Jay and his stupid flirting and his stupid fucking penis. Fuck them both.

I don't know whether I wanna shout and scream at them both, or just curl up under duvet and cry. I should want to slap Jay right? Or at least go proper ballistic on his ass. I unscrewed the lid on the vodka and gulped back a bit, grimacing as the liquid hit the back of my throat, before pouring a considerable measure into a glass and adding the smallest bit of coke.

How could they do this to me?

I trust him with my life. He knows me better than anyone else. He knows just how I feel about Camila. He knows that I'm falling in love with her.

And Camila. I thought she might possibly be falling in love with me back. I thought I saw it in her eyes. I thought I felt it in her kiss. In her touch. I thought I heard it in the way she spoke to me. I thought she was worth giving the benefit of the doubt.

The sound of a key in the front door caused me to look up, my glass halting just before my lips. Jay. "Lauser? You in babe?" He called as he shut the door behind him. The jangle of his keys as he threw them down on the table next to the door. What do I say? What do I do? I stepped out from the kitchenette into the living room. "Oh there you are. Are you drinking?"

"Nice afternoon?" I virtually spat at him, already feeling the effects of the vodka, giving me the courage I needed to confront him. I mean this is the guy who's been sleeping with my girl behind my back right? It doesn't matter that he's my best friend, my brother. That obviously didn't stop him. I downed what was left in my glass, watching Jay and waiting for a reaction.