Falling is the easy part (Camren)

25

Lauren:

For a split second when I woke up, I'd forgotten.

And then it all came rushing back. The leering, fucking jerk perving all over Camila, practically drooling every time she so much as lifted her glass to her lips. The exchange of words out the back. Me walking away, coming home and helping myself to Jay's secret supply of lager. Collapsing onto my bed huffing and puffing about how unfair it all was.

She'd let me walk away.

She just let me leave. No text to apologise or even check I'd got home okay. No coming after me to give me a goodnight kiss. Nothing. Just let me walk away and come home alone without so much as even trying to stop me.

I sat up, only then realising that I was still completely fully clothed. Always a good fucking sign huh? My phone was laying next to me on the pillow, like I'd fallen asleep with it in my hand. I picked it up and scrolled through my inbox, hoping to see a message from Camila at least. But there was nothing. She hadn't text me. She'd probably gone back in to the club and forgotten about me. Probably even continued to flirt with that fucking prick.

How had everything gone from so perfect to so shitty so quick? Everything had felt amazing. I didn't care about being the secret girlfriend, still don't, but all day yesterday I'd been so proud to even know Camila. Watching her swim like that had blown me away and just reminded me why I'm so fucking in love with her. It didn't matter to me that I couldn't go up to her afterwards and just give her the biggest kiss ever because I knew that I could get that later. I thought I'd get that later. I thought I'd be able to whisk her away at some point and tell her how brilliant she is and how much I love her. I definitely didn't think I'd have to watch as she flirted with someone else.

Ever.

I ran my thumb over the screen of my mobile, over Camila's smiling face on my background. I just want to know that she thinks about me as much as I think about her you know? I mean I'd never be able to flirt with anyone else in front of her. I just couldn't. But why the hell can she? If I mean as much to her as she does to me she shouldn't be able to do that right? Especially not where I can fucking see it. Which makes me wonder what she's like when I'm not around. Like when she's out with Dinah and that, does she flirt with lads then? Does she let guys buy her drinks and leer all over her then too? It makes my head hurt thinking about that kind of thing. And my heart.

I could just call her I guess. Tell her that I'm a little bit hurt. Or a lot hurt. I should right? That would be the honest, honourable thing to do. I should just admit that I don't like it, that it worries me slightly. That's what people in relationships do yeah? Talk about things that bother them?

But I don't want to scare her off.

I don't wanna be a jealous girl. I don't wanna force her into telling everyone about the two of us if she's not ready yet. That wouldn't be right. And I'd said I wouldn't put any pressure on her too didn't I?

This whole having a girlfriend thing is hard. I need someone to talk to. I need to vent and rant and spill everything. I need someone to tell me that it was gonna be okay and that I wasn't being an unreasonable, jealous, stroppy cow. I don't think I ever thought I'd be saying this, but I need my big sister.

I glanced at the clock next to my bed. 11am. She should be up. More than likely getting ready to go shopping or something. It was worth a try I suppose. I quickly dialled before I chickened out or decided that my sister wouldn't help. She picked up on the second ring. Here goes nothing.

"Hi Taylor, it's me, Laur."

"Hiya babes," she sung back. "I'm glad you've rung. Been dying to talk to you. Look, you'll never guess what Jase has done now, right. He's only gone and decided that he can't..."