Smooth Sailing ✓ [Republishing]

24 | butterscotch and nectarine

Missing someone and not being able to see them is the worst feeling ever.

-Nathanael Richmond-
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- L I L A -

I blew out a breath as I continued being in a pensive mood, my eyes slowly gravitating to where Matthew sat alone. The same broken expression was on his face each time I glanced at him.

He had been doing that a lot lately; being by himself, and doing nothing but stare—well, in his case, be stationary—blankly into the distance. I could tell it was beginning to take a toll on Toby because the gaiety of his steps slowed down into a much more dreary one.

A part of my heart ached terribly for him, but the logical part shut off any feeling of love I had towards him. Even seeing Gloria seem disheartened because of Matthew's loss of interest in her didn't satisfy me because she won. Every point I had made was made invalid by the fact that she won, and Matthew and I were no longer together.

I must've been staring at him for a long while since it had been 20 minutes after school ended. I hated seeing him like that.

The once clear sky was covered in a myriad of greys, filling me with anything but optimism about how Matthew was going to get home. As soon as the first drops slammed against the ground, I opened my door and walked briskly to where he was sitting. I raised my hand to touch his shoulder.

"Let me take you home," I whispered.

His dark brown hair stuck to his forehead as small rivulets of water dripped down his obsidian-coloured glasses across the slope of his nose.

He tilted his head upwards silently, his bottom lip wobbling as he shakily stood up, curling his hands around Toby's lead. "I don't know if I can..." he muttered lowly, his head ducked down. "I don't think I'll be okay if I'm so close to you, and I can't touch you."

The aching part of my heart prevailed and brought him as close as his arm would allow, my nose buried into the crook of his neck once he pressed his lips to my hairline. "Let's get out of the rain, Matt."

His nickname rolling off my lips sounded foreign to me, but something felt right about it, his lips parting as he exhaled a very soft breath.

At that moment, I could've cared less about the pouring rain that soaked my clothes because all that mattered was him. The upsetting thing was that once we were sat in my car, the logical side of my heart topped the charts and had me withdrawing my hand from his grasp.

"Why do you do that?" he quietly asked, his tone fragile. "One second you touch me and show me affection, and the next you're cold and distant. Lila...my heart can't take it anymore." I turned to him at the same time he rolled his lips into his mouth briefly before he spoke again. "I can't be around you anymore when I know I've lost you."

He was deadly silent for the rest of the car journey to his house, and even retrieved Toby and walked to his house without so much of a backward glance at me. The door opened as Katherine stood on the threshold, bringing him into a tight hug before her gaze turned to me.

I watched Katherine quietly make her way to my car, inserting herself into the passenger's seat. Silence had continued to roam before she cleared her throat purposefully.