27 Days

Chapter Six: Alone

I haven't been alone for more than a week at a time in this apartment, but now I'm going to be alone for eternity. I will sleep in this bed, with only my haunting thoughts. I will only sit on the couch with myself, knees to chest with no one to laugh with. I will take showers with myself, no one to help me wash my back in the hard to reach spots.

Alone..

Maybe I was always destined to be alone, maybe that's why nothing in my life remained constant. My parents never stayed together. I always lost friendships and spent most of my free time in my room, alone. Maybe God made me this way. He wanted me to be miserable and have no one. God abandoned me, as well. I had a tight relationship with him, but then he made my parents relationship fail. Now dad has a new family, with a daughter who isn't fucked up. Mom has her job, she says she doesn't need a man.

I have always hated this feeling. My chest is tight. My eyes sting with tears pricking at the ends. My nose is runny. Mouth dry. I let out a mangled cry.

Harry doesn't feel good enough to be in a relationship with me, but in reality I am the one who is not good enough. I could write a book with all my flaws, and another one about why he is perfect. I won't have to, though. Because he doesn't want me anymore.

He doesn't want me.

He doesn't love me.

Thoughts hit me harder each time. My heart is aching. Hands shaking. I just want this pain to end.

How can you spend three years with someone and just give up? Love like this doesn't just go away and die. It's supposed to be forever. Forever. That's just another stupid word that gets thrown around. No one actually means it. They just say it to get what they want.

Harry was my forever.

I looked at the clock, it was just after 6am. Might as well get up and start my day. I wiped my eyes and sat up, it was light enough outside for a run. I dressed in my normal workout clothing, which was just a pair of black yoga pants and a black sports bra. I threw a sweatshirt over the bra, so I could bring my phone and listen to music.

I jogged out the front door, put my headphones in and just let the music guide me. Lyrics poured into my ears, and I let out a few tears. Ed Sheeran spoke into my heart , even made it hurt worse than I was expecting. I ran harder than I expected and before I knew it, I was lost in an unfamiliar neighborhood. My eyes scanned around, there was a homeless man sitting near bar. A mother and child walking past the little corner café. I looked into the café window and there he was.

I was running to him, just like I always did. He was with Louis and didn't see me across the street. My body naturally started moving to him, that's what atoms do when they're attracted to each other. But my brain knew better, so I kept walking in the other direction. I pulled out my phone and called my best friend Anna.

It rang thrice before she answered, her heavy New York accent pouring through.

"Aye, baby! I've been waiting for you to call me. Figured you forgot who I am." Her smile came through the phone.

"Anna, could you come pick me up please?" I stated abruptly.

"Are you okay, baby? Send me your location and I'll be there as soon as possible. I love you." She rushed out in one breath.

"I'll be okay, I love you too." I hung up and sent her my location, while sitting on the bench. My eyes kept wandering over to the café, and before I knew it he was walking out of it. He looked over in my direction, but didn't react. Anna pulled up at the same time.

I hopped into her car and thanked her.

"Hey, it's no problem. You know I'm always going to be here for you, right?" Anna smiled while looking over at me.

"I know. I'm just going through a lot right now." I said while looking at my lap.

"Talk to me. I'm worried about you." Anna said with sincerity.

"Harry and I are done for. He left, and he'll be moving out of our-I mean, my apartment soon." I managed to choke out, the tears spilled out.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry." Anna frowned, I could hear it in her voice without even looking at her.

"Don't I deserve to be happy?" was all I could choke out before becoming a puddle of tears. I have cried a river in these last couple of days.

"Do you want me to come stay with you? Zach is back from deployment so he can hang out at my place with my cats." Anna smiled down at me as we pulled in front of my place. I nodded my head.

"Yeah, I would like that." I tried to smile.

"Okay. I'll be back in a few then, gonna run and get some things from my place." She said as I climbed out of her car. I just half smiled and waved as I ran up the stairs to enter the building. Larry was at his desk, and he just grunted a hello.

I continued up the stairs and slid my key into the door. It was lonely in there. But I walked through and headed to the bedroom. The tears fell again, my chest became tight once more.

I can't do this anymore.