You okay, little miss? {A Jacob Skelton Fanfic}

~All the love is dying~

22/01/14 OMFG ALL OF YOU GO WISH @FANFICIONLOVERXX AN AMAZING HAPPY BDAY BC IT'S HER BDAY TODAY!!

Lauren is one awesome girl, and I hope she has a great day xx You all should therefor go and wish her a good one as well ;)

Lilly's P.O.V.

'You did what?' I felt so numb as Emmalin started accusing me, repeating everything I had just explained to her. I had been wincing at her small voice threatening me, but now she had driven me to feeling so small that there was no room left for emotions anymore. Let alone a reaction to those emotions.

'How could you tell him that? I mean like, why didn't you say yes? Why are you being so difficult?' She sat on my bed, she wasn't pacing around the room anymore, throwing her arms as some lutanic as she would normally do. No, she was sitting just as numb as me just asking those questions as if she mentioned that water boils at 100 degrees, or that Karel V once was a great emperor on the contrary to Philips II.

'Em, I would answer all those quesions even though I've already did so a million times. But I want to ask you something first?' I didn't wait for her permission. 'Why do you want it so badly? For us to be together I mean? You'd rather have us be together than happy, it seems.'

'Can't you see that you're happy with him?' Her breathing was steady, slow and didn't match the sphere around us that was suffocating me. 'Why be so stubborn and ignore it, if you think you're helping him you're wrong. You saw how he looked yesterday Or were your tears, who clearly showed us joy, standing in the way for you to notice the same dark circles under his eyes and messed up hair as you?'

I was sat on the edge of lashing out at her if it wasn't for the missing fire in my gut that normally would make me sick. A fire only raging for people as Phil, or people as me.

'I'm not calling him again, you know. He doesn't deserve to be a part of this all.' Her small hand laid down on mine, her warm fingertops brushing over my stiffed ones.

'Is that it Lilly? Is that why you won't let him in?' I looked at her, pleading her to say it but at the same time erase the thought from her memory immediately. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs as if a victim of excorcism would scream in both pain and pleasure from the evil releasing itself inside. I wanted to ducktape my mouth harder than someone would do to an abducted person that squaeled some highpitched notes for hours straight. I wanted to scratch my body as if it was burning from the sins pumping through my veins, and the secrets crawling through my mind.

I wanted her to say it and release me from this unneeded torture but at the same time I was frightened of what her judgement would bring and what the consequences would be once she revealed my thoughts out loud.

'You're locking him out so he'd be no longer part of this? As if shutting a person out so you won't have to play boardgames with them any further. But you're so wrong Lilly. The player will still be there to play, he was once part of this and will only be hurt by rejection. He won't go away, he won't find someone else to play with if he just wanted you. You can't win this game by eliminating him.'

'I don't want to win. I won't him to be safe Em. I want to protect him from the battle he won't be able to win.'

'Well it's not possible because he's already a part of it. And you know it. You know there's nothing you can do to go back to that day and undo ever meeting him.'

'I wish I could erase it, you're right. I'm so sorry for all of this. I didn't want this to happen and I feel so selfish for letting him intrude our lifes.' I sobbed and hauled my knees up.

'Shh, it'll be okay.' Emmalin started rubbing my back. 'But please tell me you consider explaining it to him as well? He needs to be able to understand why.'