Update! So i haven't posted here in like a trillion years and probs no one gaf BUT i've written a lot of crap if anyone's interested! Ere ya go loveeees
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Im enclosed in this skin, sand colored and full of scars. I sometimes feel too big for my skin like im going to burst. Other times i feel too small for it. A child cowering in a corner, my skin sagging, the empty places inflating my heart. I feel too old for this skin sometimes too young. The things ive done the things ive said, with others, with myself, they aren't things a girl this young so supposedly pure should do. I feel too old for this skin, because when one is twelve little red dots dont break the surface of the arms and sleeves are always pulled down, because when one is fourteen boys arent seeing things so private only she should see, because when one is 16 one is not getting lost in their own mind. I feel too old for this sand skin of mine, always scratching at my insides leaving me raw and bruised. And yet I feel too young for this skin. I'm not prepared to take on the world like everyone wants me to, I'm not prepared to make changes or live on my own. Gosh this sand skin of mine is driving me crazy. Like a pebble lost in the sea my conscience sits, awake, waiting in this defeated skin i have for courage. Courage to do something about how my mind is destroying itself. With happiness and saddness and anger and mostly madness. Because in this mad head of mine is always laughing trying to shut down the voices that are screeching. This sand skin of mine has been here for 15 years and will be for the next 10, 20, 30, 40 maybe more years, and in these few years this sand skin of mine has suffered too much, and it will continue to suffer and so I want to say sorry. To the conscience that feels like it's going to burst, or that there is too much space inflating my heart, for all the pain i've put it through, and for all the pain that's yet to come.
04:37am
"This sand skin of mine"
