Two Of A Kind

Phil: Nine

Dear Emo Coffee Eyes,

My favorite book is probably one of three hardest questions you could ask me. How can I choose just one when so many books are amazing? I guess I really like Stephen King novels, but I cannot  pick a favorite. I have lots of weird hobbies, it comes with being a weird person. I like collecting candles, that's pretty weird. And definitely robots, no question!  I'm glad you're taking my advice on being nicer too!  And as far as meeting goes I'm not sure. I'm super curious as to who you are, but at the same time I have a small fear that you'll not want to be my friend if you know who I am. So I don't know.

-Bubbly Blue eyes

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First of all, when I said I had a small fear of Emo Coffee Eyes not wanting to be my friend of they knew who I was, I really meant a huge, world ending, paralyzing, crushing weight of a fear that they won't like me any more. So that's fun.

And secondly, I really need Emo Coffee Eyes as my friend, because the only other friend of have is A TOTAL SCUM BAG WHO RUINED MY LIFE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT KEEP A SECRET IF THEIR LIFE, OR IN THIS CASE, THEIR FRIENDS SMALL SOCIAL LIFE, DEPENDED ON IT!

If you hadn't guessed I'm a bit salty that someone  *cough cough* PJ *cough cough*  told an entire class of people, including Dan Howell himself that I have a small, tiny, itty bitty, nearly non existent crush on Dan.

And he left out the small, tiny, Itty bitty, nearly non existent part.

....... okay so maybe the small, tiny, itty bitty, nearly non existent part is a bit of an exaggeration...

...or a complete and utter lie...

Okay I like dan!

But it doesn't matter. For starters he's ruined my life, puts me down daily, and is (probably) the sole reason I don't have many friends (or maybe I'm boring). And secondly after what PJ did today, dan will probably just be worse with the bullying.

Though on the other hand, he didn't do anything to me today, and he was almost... nice? Maybe? Maybe not "nice" per se, but somewhere close ish.

Can I just blame Dan for everything? I hate him because he ruined my life. I hate myself because of him. PJ told his class that I like Dan because he was nice to me today (which is NOT a valid excuse to tell a class full of people who your friend likes)  it's also Dan's fault I like him; why does he have to be so damn pretty?

Maybe I can just go to sleep and never wake up so I don't have to face school tomorrow. Sorta like death, but I dont want to die. So more like a coma. Yeah. Can I go into a coma so I don't have to face people at school tomorrow because my life is over and worthless?

"Phil! Martyn! Come down stairs for dinner!" I heard my mom yell from the kitchen.

Apparently, staying in my room for the rest of my life is sadly not an option here.

I sigh and make my way down stairs. At the bottom of the stairs I get an idea. I'll stay home sick tomorrow. Sure I'm not actually sick, but if I start coughing and acting sick now, my mom will think I'm too sick for school tomorrow.

And luckily, it worked. Good thing no one at school will miss me after one day of absence.

They probably won't even notice.

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Eyyyyyyyy friends!  How's it going?

Just so you know I'm so tried writing this and that's why it's so self hating and sarcastic and probably super relatable. Oh well.

Love you! Bye!

~Madi