Phil: Seven

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Dear Emo Coffee Eyes,

First of all I'm glad we are friends. It's a relief to be able to call someone my friend. Which I guess leads to my confession: I'm lonely. I've been labeled as an outcast and many people don't talk to me, but when they do, it's mean. It seems we are in opposite positions. My advice to you would be to try to change the way people see you if you are unhappy with it start small with not hurting people, and eventually move on to friending the outcasts. If you'd like I mean. Sadly though, even after our confessions I'm not much closer to having an idea who you are, seeing as our year is basically made up of a bunch of outcast, and a bunch of people like you. Luckily, through not having the identity, we can be friends as we are now. You seem really cool, so I'm glad we get on well.

Until next time,
Bubbly Blue Eyes~

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Way to go phil, now they'll think you're some cliché poet. Or a wanna be hipster. Or maybe they'll think you're just looking for pity, or making things up. Way to ruin it with the first person to call you a friend in years.

Self talking so just making me feel worse. Can I unsend an email? I don't think so.

Breathe.

Okay, I said what I said and i cannot take it back. Either It'll be okay, and you can be happy, or it'll go wrong and you'll be back to normal. Neither is that bad. It's okay.

Sometimes I think, if Dan Howell hadn't ruined my life, self esteem, and social life, maybe I'd be normal.

Maybe I'd have loads of friends. The kind that always want to hang out. The kind that you'll spend every night with as a sleepover until it's been four days since you've been home and your mom misses you.

Well, maybe that just in the stories.

Maybe feeling this alone all the time is normal, but what would I know about normal?

All I know for certain is the Dan Howell ruined everything good in the world, the mitochondria is the power house of the cell, and I am utterly intrigued by Emo Coffee Eyes.

The mystery of them is so cool. Like, I might pass them in the halls daily. I might have classes with them. I might have even talked to them before. Who knows?

Though, it's definitely a reassuring thought that someone in my school thinks of me as a friend. And they don't even know it's me, which if they did, it would change their mind.

So what if Emo Coffee Eyes hurt someone, obviously it's terrible, I've been there, but at least he feels bad for it.

And who knows, he might take my advice, and try to better himself.

My mind drifts off of my mystery pen pal, and I start to think about earlier today in class.

Dan clearly wasn't paying attention, but nevertheless the teacher called on him. In that moment I thought about what I had told to Emo Coffee Eyes about wanting to help people be happy. I took it as an opportunity to give Dan the correct answer, but regretted it instantly.

What if he thinks I was trying to show him up?

What if he got the idea that I think he's dumb?

What if he's made somehow?

I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take my email to Emo Coffee Eyes back as well, but these are just things that have been set in stone as soon ad they left my mind.

I wish I didn't have to fear Dan.

I wish I hadn't grown attached to Emo Coffee Eyes as soon as they said we were friends.

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Here's another chapter my friends. This was really easy to write this week. This chapter only took me like 25 minutes xD

It's good it was easy this week because I have totally put off some homework. Oops.

Anyways, Tomorrow I'll be start a brand new story, so be sure to keep an eye on my profile and check it out!

Love you! Bye!

~Madi

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