the ultimate meme love | shrek • donald trump

Garth Trump

trump

its been eleven months. after a while, my wife melania, found out about my affair and decided to stay with me and help cover up my pregnancy. since i already have a large stomach it wasn't too hard to hide. once the child was born we made it seem like the boy was melanias. we had an explanation for her lack of pregnancy belly. 

"just a new technology." we told the american public. they believed just as they believed everything i, the president, spewed.

the baby, one i was having troubles becoming attached to, was named garth trump. he is praised by america for his unique name. they love the boy, he was very unique, matching his name as it seemed.  with long funnel like ears and an abnormally large nose with a slight green blush to it. looking closer, i realized the whole child was a slight tint of green. nothing my publishing team couldn't cover up. 

there wasn't a day i didn't think about shrek. he was garths father after all, but i had made the right decision leaving. garth was living a good life with myself and my wife. and shrek already had 3 other children. i sometimes worried about shrek finding garth, but it has been so long that my doubts were beginning to dwindle. 

melania decided it would be beneficial for my family to make a trip into the public, to show off garth a bit more. we gathered up barron and off we went to a café in town. the press followed us closely, trying to find a good shot of the baby. once we entered the cafe the staff made quick work of setting up a table for us. barron sat first, i gave him a look and pulled him up.

"wait for your mother to sit, boy." my voice was quiet but stern. he nodded and watched his mother carefully until she sat. then he sat slowly, eyes landing on me, waiting for permission, i nodded my head approvingly.  

we were all sat, the barista stared at me longingly. who is that? i recognized them. weird. 

as the food arrived we all began eating. melania got frustrated with garth and handed him to me. i looked down at him, so much like shrek. my heart lurched. shrek was my soulmate, i knew it now after being apart from him for so long. i longed to see him. if only he had a more modernized way to communicate with him. i sighed, frowning. 

shrek

"gather round children, we are making a trip to america." i called to my three rambunctious children. "now, america is much different than our little swamp. they have much more advanced and complicated devices there. so i've rented a foreign vehicle."

they sprang up, excited. running about the room and tackling each other. i shook my head.

i framed this trip as a new and exciting trip, but it was a rouse. i needed to see donald, we left it on such unsure terms. he just left after being sick. i couldn't lie, it hurt. and honestly since him, i couldn't seem to be able to have sex with fiona, which we had done VERY often before donald was in the picture. she has been asking questions, i couldn't answer them. 

i motioned them all over, leading them outside to the white rusty van i rented from the big bad wolf. once we got the kids seated in the back, fiona and i got in the front. it was a tight squeeze, fionas leg and mine were pressed together. 

after about a four day drive we arrived at the hotel. it was a nice hotel and it had two beds, one for me and the other for fiona and the kids. we couldn't go out during day here so for the rest of the afternoon we were to just chill here and watch bad hotel tv channels. i had other plans of course, so i made an excuse and off i went.

i have a plan to find mr donald trump. newspapers and media coverage. he was at a café right now. and apparently he had a new child, i had a suspicion that the child, garth, was mine aswell. i shook my head, how dare he keep my kid away from me. he even looked like me slightly. with my ears and nose, such a precious baby. i pulled up to the café he and his family was in. pulling out my new cellular device, i looked through it and found the phone number i had found on a business card awhile back. i dialed the number and watched as donald looked at it and answered.

"hello?" his voice rang through, i flinched, "who is this?"

"... hello donald, i know this might be a shock for you." i heard him gasp.

"how did you find this number? why have you called me?" his voice shook.

i thought for a second, humming, "meet me in the alley behind the café." i said and hung up.  

i pulled the van past all the paparazzi, there was a lot, expected since donald is the president of this wrenched place. turning the corner i saw him. beautiful as ever. i parked next to him, got out, grabbed him and pushed him into the back of the van. once he was in i rounded to the front of the van and hoped in. i sped away with donald in the back. he was yelling, asking where i was taking him. i stayed completely silent. he was angry i could tell it. 

"please, for the love of god, tell me where you are taking me!" he gasped as i rounded a corner roughly. 

"somewhere private." i growled. 

i heard him take in a big breath. i smirked, just like the old days. i looked down, noticing mini shrek was excited. 

"not now, please." i mumbled to myself.

once we were in a secluded dirt road i stopped the van and got out quickly. i opened the back and looked at donald. just as attractive as the first time i laid my eyes on him. 

"garth is mine, is he not?" my voice was firm and demanding. he nodded.

"i found out just after i left.. i meant to tell you!" he gasped and my glare hardened. "i swear!"

"i don't believe anything you say." i took in a breath, "you need to earn my trust back.." i continued, glancing down at my boner.

his eyes followed mine, then widened when he figured out what i wanted. 

"come on, please, donald." l began undoing my pants.

he crawled slowly towards me, my 28 inch monster springing right into battle. mini shrek and donald battled for the rest of the day, if you catch my drift. 

uh- bye lmao