That's When We Uncover [Jensen Ackles + Misha Collins | Cockles | mxm]

Chapter Nineteen

"So you heard...everything?"

Paralyzing fear yields to burning shame, coursing through me in a rushing flood. I swallow, staunchly avoiding eye contact with my mom.

Fuck, fuck, fuck... This is it, the beginning of the end. Our unravelling. Fuck.

She grimaces by way of reply; I've never wished for death quite so fervently as I do right now. "You must have..." I clear my throat, still burning from within, "questions..."

"Oh, I have about a million. First - who the hell are...Jen and Sen?"

I feel a dark blush flaring in my cheekbones, suffusing the skin with a deep rose.

"Uh..."

Mom's eyes narrow, focusing sharply on me. I dig my toe into the dark, oak-panelled flooring, seconds trickling by.

Mom stiffens suddenly and stares at me with an odd expression before closing her eyes. She passes a hand down her face in resignation.

"So it's right up there with the things I don't want to know."

"Pretty much," I mumble, shuffling awkwardly.

I feel queasy with the overwhelming emotions assaulting me, ready to pass the fuck out right here on the floor. I'm weak with the sheer realization that

She.

Knows.

I can only imagine how this must look; I probably come across as the average scumbag celebrity who gets around too much behind his wife's back, has even resorted to having sex with men. Mom probably thinks I'm confused, experimenting or some fucked up shit.

She couldn't have seen this coming. Her son, gay? I don't blame her, because I don't exactly look like a flaming homo riding a unicorn; I'm far from a walking stereotype. I seem straight, plain and simple. I even had myself fooled for most of my life.

But I'm not straight. I'm also not confused. I know this because I was confused before and now Misha's made everything crystal clear.

My mother shuts her eyes, groaning in dismay.

"Son, you're going to sit your ass down and tell me everything. And I mean everything."

I bite my lip, the urge to shrivel up and disappear growing with each passing second. Dani's away at yoga, but the others could still...

"Not here," I relent, gritting my teeth as I gesture pointedly around the room. "This is obviously not a private place to talk."

So that's how I find myself back at the stables with mom.

Scarlet pricks her ears as I swing myself expertly into the saddle, and mom mounts a pretty palomino with a dished face and sweet temperament named Delancey. She reaches down to unlatch the gate leading out of the yard, and the pair of horses move out into a trot.

Scarlet's stride seems to eat up the ground beneath her as I feed the reins through my fingers. She arches her satiny neck, ears pricked forward and an eager step in her stride.