My Lie in April

Chapter 5

Gomenasai. I'm sorry you had to see me like that. I hoped that it wouldn't happen this soon.

"You really scared us, getting hospitalized like this," Tsubaki worries.

"Well, my dad is very cautious. I'm only here on routine testing, just to make sure I didn't get any injuries that aren't known," I lie.

"Have you ever passed out like that before?" Friend A asks.

"No. That was the first time," I deny, "I've always been a little anemic, but this is a good chance to get thoroughly tested. I must have pushed myself a little too hard. The violin practice, not to mention chasing after Mr. Escape artist!"

Watari and Tsubaki kick him in agreement with me, "She's right!"

I laugh as Friend A topples over in pain. Watari and Tsubaki calm down and sit next to me while Friend A sits alone, in a corner, thinking. Probably about the performance. How it's his fault we didn't make it to the next round. It's not. It's not your fault. I'm the one that asked you to accompany me. I knew the risks. I knew we weren't going to make it to the next round. I don't care. I just want to live inside other people's hearts, before I--

"Hey, it's getting late. We should get going," Tsubaki interrupts my train of thought.

"Wait! I'm gonna spend the night," Watari insists.

"Bye, Kao, see you at school!" Tsubaki says, struggling to get Watari out the door.

"I'm staying over!"

"Bye!" she calls as she walks out the room.

"I'm spending the night!"

"There's no way!" Tsubaki fades from earshot.

Friend A is still in the room, getting ready to leave. "Hey... have you been playing the piano?" I stop him.

"No."

"Why?"

"It's like all I have to offer is my piano playing."

"Is that a bad thing though... Do you think you will forget?" I ask. "The piano is just one part of you. But in those moments when you play, without a doubt... the piano is everything to you. You are trying to rip that away from you by force. As if you are ripping off your limbs. That's why it hurts you. Your suffering is so painful. Too painful to bear. That's what I see on your face. Do you think you'll be able to forget? I know I won't, even if I die, and I have a feeling that you feel the same way. Because you and I are living for that moment. Because you are a musician, just like me. The people there won't ever forget us. I won't forget. I won't forget, even if I die. Thank you. It's all thanks to you. Because you accompanied me. Because you played the piano for me. Thank you... Kousei Arima." He looks at me with disbelief, like he didn't know I felt that way. He turns around and walks out the door with no response to what I had just said.

Now all alone in the dark room. The moon peeking in from the window. I look out to the stars solemnly as the rain falls, "So... I passed out again."

I'm back at school and out of the hospital. My day goes on as it had before I collapsed, almost as if it had never happened.

I wait for Friend A on Doryo Bridge. The sun setting in the distance over the water under the bridge. Everything has an orange glow to it. It's beautiful. Two kids are playing hopscotch beside me. I ask if I can join them.

"Hey!" I call out to Friend A.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm playing hopscotch. Isn't it obvious?"

"She said she was waiting for someone," one of the kids mentioned.

"Shhhhh. Shhhhh," I hiss. I hold my hand out in front of me. "Come on, come on."

"Why are you holding out your hand?"

"Umm, my gift for getting out of the hospital. I'll take it now.................... No gift!?" I slap him. "That's horrible! Watari gave me flowers! You're the one who made a mess of my performance! I was gonna win it all!" I cry.

"Liar!" he screams.

"Don't make women cry! This is why boys are stupid!" the two girls shout.

"Okay! I'll do anything you want!"

"Anything?" I look up at him.

"Yes, yes."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

"Yay!" I yell, throwing my act away.

"What should I ask for? Hmmm... I know! Enter a piano competition." His eyes grow wide. "It's your turn now."

"There's no way I could ever do that!"

"Why not? You were playing just fine when you accompanied me. Are you still afraid? You promised me that you would do anything I asked, so you have to do it. There you go again, looking down. We're all afraid you know... to get up on stage. You might mess up. They might totally reject you. If they do, grit your teeth and get up on stage anyway. Something compels us, moves us to play music."

"Is it really like that for you too?" Silence strikes the air. "I'm a guy who hurled my sheet music away. I don't deserve to perform."

I laugh. He looks up at me with surprise. "There are tons of musicians that share your case, I'm sure! But you still have to sit before the score once again. That's why musicians like us make the most beautiful lie of all. We're still fourteen! So let's take risks! We don't know when we are gonna die. Could be tomorrow or 70 years from now. Even so, we don't want to regret our lives. Let's dive right in!" I run over to the edge of the bridge, "Like this!" and jump off into the water. The water makes a big splash. I come up to the surface, laughing. "That felt so good! I've always wanted to try that!"

To my surprise, Friend A jumps off too. In mid air, he yells, "There's no way I'll ever be able to forget!" It seems as though he is in the air for an eternity. As though my world has stopped in this one moment. This amazing moment.

The water splashes in my face. He comes up to the surface and laughs. I've never seen him laugh like that before-- ever. "There's no way I'll ever be able to forget. Because I'm a musician, just like you said." In the moment that he spoke, I saw him take on a new kind of color... love.