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T H E Y continue to roll around the sheets. He crawls over her and inches towards her face, teasing her with a smile. Letting a small laugh escape, she pulls him closer and reaches to place her lips on his. He kisses her with a need, with a desire for her only.
Sadly she cannot find it in her to feel that same desire. She cannot find it in her to desire anything for one person only at that matter. Not when the thoughts of you being with another is always on her mind.
She traces his defined abdomen and travels all the way up until her hands are back in his hair, running through the salt and pepper strands. Breaking away, he begins to kiss down her stomach, and with each kiss comes a sweet murmur of appreciation for her beauty. She wallows in his caresses, but it doesn't last for long.
He wants her again. He wants her to feel what she does to him. She has marked a place in his life and it would take a stab to the heart in order for him to remove her from it. Settling himself in between her thighs, he takes the plunge in to her warm depth.
A part of her wants to scream out in frustration for not wanting him the way that he thinks she does. A part of her wants to blame it on you, but she can't. It's her fault. It will always be her fault. He whispers into her ear.
Suddenly she sees a messy dorm room. The walls are plain white with tiled flooring. There's a wooden bed with light green blankets and pillows. There's a lamp right next to it. There's a desk pushed up in the far corner, and sitting at that desk is her with a phone pressed up to her ear. She's nineteen now.
She's talking to you. You're still back in their old town, technically her old town since leaving a year ago. You decided to stay and go to the university there. You decided to stay to be with. . . that someone. She listens closely as you ramble about how great everything is. She wants to ask if you've missed her, but she wants you to say it first. You never do. Instead, you randomly whisper in the middle of the conversation,
I n a m o r a t a , guess what?
And all you could do is choke back a strangled cry and enthusiastically question,
What!?
She hurt when you answered.
We moved in together.
And it all comes undone. He doesn't move for quite sometime. He wants to remember the feeling of being with her as one. With a sigh he gradually removes himself gently and collapses on to the pillow next her.
Her chest moves up and down harshly as she stares up at the ceiling, draining back the tears. She wonders why he can't give her happiness. He's so good to her. He's so tender towards her. And although she wonders that, what she really wants to know is why she couldn't have been your happiness.
Frowning, she remembers he can't stay for long, and there's something inside her that doesn't want him to go, but she doesn't want him to stay. He has things to do. Children to take care of. He has a life outside of her while she's just got herself. He looks over at her face and thinks that she's upset because he's leaving. Realizing that he wants her to mother his children and give him her all, he breathes out a phrase so meaningful and precious without any hesitation.
I n a m o r a t a , I love you.
It's like a curse. Her mind screams he sounds so w r o n g , because it will only sound r i g h t , when spoken from the lips she can never k i s s .
N O T E . No she is not sleeping with a married man. He has kids but is not married.
