Motors

15

There will always come a point in life when you're at your lowest. I know this more than anyone. Asher is just beginning to discover this struggle. It is his mother's birthday today. The first day he genuinely realised that he will never see her again. I've felt this for years, and yet I can still say that it is with no doubt the most difficult thing a young adult can deal with.

The vast majority of the time, children outlive their parents, however that usually doesn't happen when you're just shy of twenty years old.

The first thing I noticed that was different about Asher, was that he was up at three in the morning, drinking down the bottle of whiskey I was saving for my birthday. He knew how important it was to me that I and no one else drank that alcohol. He didn't even say sorry.

Currently, he's laying on the couch, sleeping, looking like absolute hell, while I care for his little brothers tirelessly.

"Car-car, why is Ashie sleeping?" Judah asked.

"He's just a little tired Jude, he'll wake up soon." I replied.

Honestly, even though I would never let it show, Asher and my relationship was slowly crumbling from beneath us. There was a point in time where we were both suffering from horrible grief, and now he refuses to talk to me about anything. He goes out at night and comes back in the early hours of the morning, reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke, he was getting just as bad as I am. Watching his gradual decline has pulled me back into my old state of mind, the one where I constantly have a bottle of grog, or a goon bag on hand. 

I started smoking again, I loved it. It was the only release from the issues in my life. At the moment, I was the soul provider for the household, the one looking after Judah and Heath, and I was falling apart on the inside.

"Cara?" Asher groaned. "What time is it?"

"Four o'clock in the afternoon, Asher." I said pointedly.

"Jeez, no need to get all agro." 

"Piss off Ash, you know for a fact why I'm mad, and I'm done trying to fix shit. I'm gonna go out to the cemetery to see my sister and visit your mother. You are going to stay here, and apologise to your brothers for not spending the day with them." I walked towards the door. "I don't know what time I'll be back, so don't make any plans for tonight."

I walked out the door and slammed it shut behind me. I was completely done with Asher at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I love him so much, but he was getting on my nerves lately. I meandered down the street to the parking lot where my car was parked and drove to the liquor store.

"Just this and a pack of horizon blue forties thanks." I said to the clerk.

"Rough day?" He asked scanning the two six packs of Jack Daniels with cola, and the bottle of Jonnie Walker blue label.

"Yeah. My fiancé's mother died a few months ago, and he's started taking it pretty tough."

"That sucks. Do you need a new lighter?" He asked.

"Yeah it does. And yes please."

"I hope your fiancé gets through it. I know how hard it is loosing someone. My girlfriend died a long time ago and I'm still not over it. I go to her grave every afternoon." He sighed putting the box of smokes and the lighter onto the counter.

"I know. She was my twin sister. Remember me?"

"Cara? I thought you overdosed..."

"I did, I recovered though, and I'm just about to visit her, and drink my problems away." I sighed.