My mind is an ocean.
It churns and it crashes around, dark and dangerous.
I know there is a calm, somewhere down deep, but no matter how far down i swim there never seems to be an end to the swirling thoughts that drown my mind in delusion and confusion.
sometimes, the waves cease for a while. if i'm lucky maybe a sunbeam will cut through the darkness and for a second there will be hope.
But on the rare occasions that the sun shines and my mind is still, the storm never fails to return, like an old friend who I wish I could leave behind.
Some days, i welcome the storm, wishing it would drag me down down down into the darkness. There it's still and the silence is so loud I wouldn't even hear the thoughts banging around in the back of my head, trying to force their way out of my mouth in the form of screams. The weight of the water would hold me down there forever and no hope could reach me to lull me into a sense of peace.
I long for a time when i no longer have to tread water, always so close to sinking. I am tired of the waves, emotions tossing me around, making me so dizzy that i can't tell which direction i'm moving, or whether i'm moving at all.
