eclipse [m. gunnarsen]

chapter 14: broken

martinus pov//
i ran out of luna's house. i had tears streaming down my face and when i got home i ran upstairs and slammed my door. i was crying tears of anger.

martinus-"HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID. NOW MY BEST FRIEND AND MY BROTHER HATES ME. UGH."

i punched a wall. that hurt why did i do that. i went over to my desk and saw the letter i wrote to luna. i ripped them all up. tearing and tearing just like my heart. i collapsed on the floor after wards. i just couldn't take what i did. i'm so sorry luna and marcus. dad most have heard me because he came in.

ke-"martinus what's wrong?"

martinus-"i messed up everything dad that's what happened. luna is afraid of me and marcus hates my guts!"

he sat down next to me. i was sobbing into his shoulders now. he put his arm around me and held me close.

ke-"tell me what happened."

so i proceeded to tell him the story. how i kissed luna, how she got a panic attack and wouldn't let us go near her, and of course how marcus screamed at me to leave.

ke-"martinus you know you shouldn't have kissed her. whether you thought she was awake or not. as for your brother...he is very passionate. he will get over it i know him."

martinus-"thanks dad."

i gave him a hug. he was truly the best dad i could ask for. he always knew what to say when me and marcus were stressed or needed a good laugh. my tears finally stopped. he left the room and i went to my bed. i sat down and just looked up. i thought of my world and everything i've done and the person i have become. i'm not sure who i am yet, i'm still trying to figure that out. i close my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

marcus pov//
i was looking at luna shaking at her own words. she looked so helpless and so small. what is she going to tell me? what is it bad? why couldn't we go near her? i'm just so confused.

marcus-"luna you are scaring me."

luna-"last year i was um..."

she looked down at the floor and starting pulling on the string of her hoodie. she was really nervous to tell me i could see. it must be something pretty bad. what else could have happened to her that i didn't know?

luna-"um...i was sexually assaulted last year."

i couldn't believe what i was hearing. she looked down and i could see the tears coming down her face. i stepped towards her but she stepped back. i soon realized my mistake.

marcus-"luna i don't know what to say. if you are comfortable can i hear the whole story please?"

luna-"sure."

she walked over to the couch and motioned me to follow. her beautiful blue eyes looked right into my brown eyes. i locked contact with her for a few seconds before she put her head back down. back to pulling her hoodie strings. back to her shy self.

luna-"well last year and the years before i was bullied a lot. especially by the guys. your brother being one of them. his friends would always push me around and stuff. one day when i was walking home, one of his other friends not alexander, but jason i believe his name was. anyways he always walked home around the same time as me. one day he well followed me toward me house. i didn't think much of it maybe he was going to see you guys but when i passed your house and he was still there i got worried. i started to pick up the pace and so did he. i then found myself running, my little legs were taking me far, but it wasn't far enough because he caught up to me. he stopped me and he got in my face. he kept teasing me about my body and having no friends and being a nerd. he cornered me by someone's house. he started to grab me and push me up against the tree. his hands moved up and down my body. i tried to push him off but he was too strong and i too weak. his hands i remember got under my shirt and he came really close to my chests. the chills i got when he touched me, his hands felt like ice. then he worked his way down. still pushing me. i tried with all the force in my body to get him off of me but his grip was too tight. finally someone came and stopped him. it-it was a neighbor of mine. he saw what was going on and scared jason off. i thanked him and quickly ran. after that happened i stayed in my room for a while. i started writing my feelings out and well here we are now a year later. when-when martinus kissed me it reminded me of that day. not because he grabbed me but because it was without my consent and i couldn't do anything to stop him. nobody knows how it feels. love...it comes at such a different perspective now and that's why i wanted our relationship to go slow. i can't erase my past but i can determine my future. i never want that to happen to anyone ever again."

i gazed into her eyes. i gave her a hug because i know she needed one and wanted one. it was too soon for anything else. how my blood boiled when she told me how jason abused her like that. i could feel my arms and legs getting hotter and my heart sinking when i heard those words. we sat there for a little. she was silently weeping into me but i could feel her head shaking back and forth. i rubbed her back slowly moving up and down over her sweatshirt.

marcus-"luna i love you and i will never take advantage of you like that. nobody deserves that and i will always treat you right. no matter how slow this relationship goes i will wait for you when your ready. i don't care what we do as long as we are together i'm happy."

luna-"thank you. i have one more thing."

she looked down at the collar of her shirt. she slowly pulled it down, stopping before it reached her heart. i saw a scar. a scar i never knew could be there. it was so close to her heart. its maybe why she can't love and trust.

marcus-"did he do that?"

she nodded her head and proceeded to lift her shirt back up again. i couldn't believe my eyes. i knew she was brave but wow. she picked her head up and met my eyes. her blue eyes had a sense of sorrow in them. she took my hand and i took her head and rested it on my heart.

luna-"marcus?"

marcus-"yes luna?"

luna-"let me be the one to tell martinus please. he needs to know what he did was not okay. he won't understand it if it's told by someone else. promise me you won't say anything."

i was hesitant but i couldn't not let her tell her story. it's not my thing to share.

marcus-"promise."

she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. she didn't smile exactly but i could see one forming. she led me to the door. now? she wanted to talk to them now?

marcus-"luna i don't know if i'm ready to speak to martinus."

luna-"you don't have to. i will be right by your side and i will respect whatever decision you make."

i had a nervous feeling in my stomach. i was so angry with martinus but he only thinks it's because he kissed her. he doesn't realize the affect it had on luna. all the painful memories that must have rushed through her body. i can never know how she feels, i mean i thought skye forcing herself on me was bad but i could at least stop her. luna...she had no control over it. jason he is strong and forceful and luna is so little. i hated knowing how luna was in that situation. how she was broken. i will keep her safe and never let that happen. she squeezed because i was clearly spacing out.

luna-"you okay marcus?"

marcus-"im okay. are you okay?"

luna-"i don't know. hopefully i will be. will martinus understand do you think?"

marcus-"i will make him."

luna-"my guy."

she kissed me on the cheek. we left her house and started to walk over to my house. on the way it warmed up a little but not really. her head was in my jacket basically the whole time. i don't know what to say martinus. we got home finally. walking through the door of my home made me nervous. i feel like i'm going to throw up. i don't know why i feel this way i just can't get the image of jason grabbing luna out of my head. we walked inside. the house seemed quiet. we both went upstairs to see martinus. he was in his room because i heard him singing. when we got through the door his head peered up. he looked like he had been crying, not badly but still it was noticeable. he seemed a little surprised to see us. i looked over at luna to see if she was okay. she was looking down again. i squeezed her hand to have her know i was by her side. i think she wanted me to say. she started crying. martinus stood up and rushed to her but she backed away. i could hear his heart break from where i was standing and it felt like mine was about to beat out of my chest.

martinus-"luna i'm so sorry. please help me understand why i hurt you so badly."

she couldn't get the words out. she was comfortable telling me but maybe because martinus had another affect on her not in a good way. she was silent for about a minute before she begain to spoke.

luna-"martinus sit down. there is something you need to know."