Typical.

Chapter 4: Realizing

I don’t think I ever fell asleep. There were just parts of my night that were a little too foggy to remember clearly. Like, half the dirty dancing and make out between Liam and I. And how we got home. When we got back to Liam’s, he got some Advil in me and got me drinking some water to wash it all down. Everything after that I remember with a poignancy I can’t forget.

Liam had practically carried me into the guest bedroom I’d claimed as mine. He had tucked me in and given me a glass of water. He left me with a lingering kiss on the forehead. He closed the door and turned out the light. I stared at the ceiling, the fog clearing from my head. As I fell into a light, alcohol induced slumber, it hit me, and I had no control to stop it. The dream was in so much detail, the memory seemed as it was before my eyes again.

“I hate you, Mom!”

“Evelyn! I can’t believe you were so irresponsible! I can’t believe you!”

“Maybe I’d do better if you actually, I don’t know, paid attention to me for once! Instead of your fifty boyfriends!”

“Evelyn!”

“Mom, I’ve seen all the guys you bring home! Don’t pretend to be perfect!”

Anger blurred my mind and tears burned behind my eyes, begging to come out. I couldn’t let her see me cry.

“You’re just trying to put this on me! It’s all on you! You’re the one who was out past curfew…”

“Which is eleven o’clock! What mom gives their teenager an eleven o’clock curfew?”

“…You’re the one who left the damn door unlocked and left the light on! If you were smart maybe you would’ve thought about what you were doing! Maybe they wouldn’t have stolen the TV! Maybe they wouldn’t have gotten away!”

“Mom! I said I’m sorry!”

“Sorry’s not going to cut it!” she snapped. I was taken aback by the virulence of her tone and actions. She’d never been this mad at me before. “I wish you weren’t my child! I wish I’d never had you! I wish maybe Liam was my child instead of you, an irresponsible little brat!”

“Mom! Stop that!” I said, unable to keep the tears from falling. To stop her from seeing it, I turned and started up the stairs, making sure to jump on every single one of them on my way up and to slam the door behind me. I ran to my bed, and in the corner of my eye, I saw my reflection in the full body mirror. That’s when everything began to crash down on me.

What am I worth?

And she didn’t even know why I was out past curfew. I wouldn’t tell her. I wouldn’t tell anyone. I had to push that very reason deep into myself until it was forgotten and never rose again.

I woke up breathing heavily and suddenly overheated. I wiped a bead of sweat off my forehead and looked at the clock. 3:49 am. I dragged myself out of bed, wiping tears from my eyes.  I peeled off the dress I’d fallen asleep in, and opened my suitcase to find an oversized tee that wasn’t mine. I pulled it over my body, letting it fall over my underwear.

I opened the door and immediately, I heard the soft guitar and voice.

“Little black dress, just walked into the room, makin’ heads turn, can’t stop looking at you. It’s so right, it’s so right, it’s so right, you know…” the voice stopped when I took a step into the hallway and made the slightest noise. “Evie?” said Liam.

I opened his door and leaned against the doorframe. “I can’t sleep,” I said softly.

He stood up and leaned his guitar against the wall, throwing some sort of notepad with it. He extended one arm, signaling for me to come join him. I walked in and closed the door behind me, stepping over dirty clothes and music sheets to join him on his bed. He wrapped his arm around me. At that point, I didn’t really care that we’d kissed. I just needed my best friend.