She dreams of Golden Hope

Interlude: Fractured Moonlight on the sea

And the soul wears out the breast, and the heart must pause to breathe, and love itself have rest.-So we'll go no more a-roving, Lord Byron

He looked up startled as Thorin passed him by with pounding footsteps. He watched his former charge as he entered the clearing after having gone after the elf much to his own confusion pertaining Thorin's motivation. Their leader did not address the company, did not address the confused expression on most their faces considering his abrupt change of demeanour. He did not address Bilbo's expectant expression and the slight worry that creeped on to their burglar's young features as he perceived his cousin's continued absence. Thorin walked with purpose across tonight's resting place and away from the assembled company, away from where the elf had probably fled to in her distress. His old friend moved through the clearing with a haste in his steps, almost as if he wished to flee, to outrun something, someone.

Balin was firmly convinced that no one knew Thorin as well as he did. Not by a fraction. Perhaps Dwalin, who had known and befriended Thorin before the fall of Erebor, but Balin had acquired a unique and incomparable range of knowledge on Thror's nephew that only a lifelong companion and tutor could obtain. He had accompanied Thorin during his childhood, had taught him values that he believed necessary and estimable, had stood beside him when they had tried to fend that fire drake from their homeland, had limped at his side when they had been chased out by Smaug. He had accompanied Thorin in exile and during the battle of Azanulbizar. He knew Thorin in a way that no other could claim they did after decades and decades of friendship. No one, not even Fili and Kili, Thorin's own flesh and blood, could claim they knew their uncle as well as Balin. Balin had merely been fortunate to have known Thorin before his loss of Erebor, before Thorin had become closed off and wary of every inch and fraction of his surroundings, before his proud charge had become bitter and jaded.

It was that conviction that assured Balin that no one could detect the tortured expression on Thorin's features, other than him. Did he not possess and cultivate profound fatherly concern for the prince he would've surely not detected it in the setting of Thorin's heavy brow and the slight downturn of his lips, as Thorin had passed by them at such a velocity, Balin had done a double-take to ensure that Wargs were not chasing him. He was glad, glad that he was completely sure that no one other than him had been able to see Thorin's pain for he knew how important it was to his former charge that his image as invulnerable and unshakeable leader of this company was preserved for the sake of their security and assurance. He was glad because it allowed him to ponder what had occurred between Thorin and the young elven woman that had caused Thorin such distress. Yet he received no answer. Not from Thorin who did not join their company for the rest of the night and whom Balin saw sit on the far outskirts of the clearing until he could no longer keep his weary eyes open at some indefinable hour of dawn. Not from Laurel Took, who rejoined their company a few moments later with a demeanour hard as stone and who reticently disregarded Fili's concerned questions about her tear streaked cheeks.

During the next few days as they continued to wander through the dark, winding, labyrinthine path of Mirkwood, Balin would carefully scrutinize his former charge and the cousin of the burglar and would absorb any form of interaction between them, no matter how minimal, to try and understand the relationship that had inadvertently formed between Thorin and the young woman. It was the only aspect of Thorin that he could not understand. And it caused him great alarm, no matter that it was recent and that he could perceive the arduous struggle that his leader was under to conceal any connection between them, be it his long lingering gazes or him occasionally addressing her. It alarmed him because he had always been able to understand Thorin, blessed with a sharp wit, but try as he might he could not understand this. And he found himself almost consumed by this association.

He found himself thinking about the progression of Thorin and Laurel's association during their long and monotonous wandering through Mirkwood. He had always thought that Thorin greatly disapproved of Laurel, because she defied and challenged his perspective. Balin was sure that such a behavior was completely foreign to Thorin, except occasionally from him but he had been justified due to him being Thorin's tutor and wishing to properly educate the young prince. Yet Balin had soon realized that his charge was naturally apt to make decisions wisely and responsibly, and long ago had last truly questioned one of Thorin's decisions. Others had never dared to impugn the proud prince's decisions due to their profound fealty to him and the line of Durin. As a result, the disapproval Thorin had encountered from the young woman concerning his decisions and his jaded behavior had provided great offense and caused great dislike for her in Thorin, Balin believed. It had caused Balin great chagrin to see his charge questioned, as he viewed it as a criticism to his teachings. Balin did not think that Thorin liked her, especially as their first encounter had been shaped by her admonishing him like an infant, though she was centuries and decades younger than Thorin. Yet further musings would reveal to him that it was exactly this foreign behavior that had proven compelling to Thorin. Balin realized that Thorin had always been intrigued by her.

He found it strange that after their discovery of her heritage in Rivendell, Thorin had not expelled the girl from their company but allowed her to continue on the quest. Considering Thorin's aversion to elves, he would have not been surprised if Thorin had struck the girl for her impertinence of evading the company and subjecting them to the assistance of a member of the race they all despised. He recalled how Thorin had closed his eyes and fisted his hands when the elf had sworn her fealty to the company, to him. Almost as if he had to hold himself back, but Balin had known, though he would have confirmed it to any other who had seen Thorin's expression, that the feeling which had flooded Thorin and caused him to hold back in a wild and stormy response did not pertain to anger or aversion.

He knew Thorin was honourable, which was why Balin expected Thorin to feel a certain degree of guilt for having allowed her to be hurt twice in their expense and for the obvious turmoil she was under now; and for him to feel gratitude as she had saved his life. But not one of these feelings, which would have been natural for Thorin to feel considering the girl's actions, could reveal the reason of Thorin's current behaviour.

Balin knew that the girl was singular and that her behaviour, which seemed to have enchanted most members of the company, was rare. After years of tutoring Thorin, Balin was able to realise that the girl was unique to his leader and friend as no one had ever been able to cause Thorin to act in such a fashion. And as the reason for Thorin's lingering glances to her and the look of adoration his eyes carried when they were on her and he felt himself unobserved, became clear to Balin he became grave. Steadfastly disregarding the contempt that had risen within him as he realised the true nature of Thorin's feelings for an elf, Balin felt self-deprecation as he could not focus on his negative and disdainful feelings for the development of Thorin's emotions, he needed to only feel concern for his friend. It was not only because of the possible repercussions these developments could have if Thorin's subjects, who despised elves just as fiercely as their lord, found out the same that he had, it was not because he was assured that Laurel could not possible cultivate any feelings for their leader especially after what he had made her go through. The reason why Balin was worried is that he knew no descendent of Thror should cultivate as intense a fixation on something as Thorin held of Laurel.

He knew his charge and though he chose not to say anything, he knew that the potential for the same downfall that Thror had experienced festered in Thorin's fate. He knew when Thorin was angry and when Thorin was sad. And now, thanks to her, he knew when Thorin was in love.