Other side

Chapter 11

Iruka poofed back into existence in an alley just outside the Hokage's office and slumped against the wall. He slid down the bricks and pressed his palms into his stinging eyes as hot tears slid down his cheeks. What on earth was wrong with him? Why couldn't he seem to control himself? It just seemed as if he was trying to get someone to put him out of his misery, he had after all just pissed off not only the Hokage but the Hyuga clan head as well. Why oh why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? It would certainly improve his life expectancy and cause him a lot less trouble. Maybe instead of killing him he could persuade Tsunade to just cut out his tongue. The brunette almost chuckled at the masochistic thought, he would only be so lucky. After all, after that little explosion in the office both Tsunade and Kakashi now knew for certain about his unnaturalness.

Iruka briefly wondered how long it would take the copy-nin to catch up with him and exact his own brand of rebuttal. The dark thoughts that had previously been repressed were quickly re-emerging circling his wounded psyche like vultures. The teacher was under no delusions that now whatever Kakashi had heard had been confirmed and the Jounin was going to dispose of him in order to protect his reputation. After all the silver haired man was one of the elite and if he was made to look bad, it made Konoha look bad. Iruka knew deep in his heart he was living on borrowed time, he just hoped his demise was swift and honourable. It was all he could ask for as a shinobi.

Drawing a shuddering breath the brunette hauled himself to his feet and winced as the bright morning sunlight stung his weary eyes. Raising a hand to shield them from the glare he moved out into the village without looking back. First thing on the agenda was a trip to his apartment, he badly needed a shower and his outfit had certainly seen and smelt better days. At least then he would start to feel physically human again even if he didn't feel it mentally. Then it would be some sort of sustenance, he generally wasn't much of an eater but the stress of the last few days had began to take its toll and Iruka was starving.

The village was now wide awake and in full swing but even as he passed through the familiar streets Iruka could not feel comfortable. He could sense the people looking at him, judging him, condemning him. He even heard a few of the underhanded and downright nasty comments as he passed and the brunette was fairly convinced that he had been meant to hear the barbs even though they were uttered in hushed tones. The once welcoming village had shunned him completely, it was a fate almost worse than death. A bitter laugh escaped his lips as Iruka began to understand what those who went rogue probably felt like before betraying their village, he had to admit the idea of leaving and never coming back was certainly starting to sound appealing.

After all, he didn't know how much time he had left or how much more strain he could take before he broke completely.

Running away was certainly starting to sound appealing.

The brunette shook himself, what was he thinking? The very notion of him fleeing was so completely selfish it made his heart ache. He couldn't just burden others with his self centred whims and besides, he still had duties to perform even if they were self imposed ones. Iruka knew that no one would care for the orphans in his stead and the thought of failing them hurt even more than the complete social isolation the village was imposing on him.

No, he would stay for the moment. At least until he found someone else to care for the mites.

In his detached state the sensei hadn't even noticed where his traitorous feet had been carrying him. Instead of taking him to his apartment like he planned, he had ended up at the academy stood in front of the swing set he had seen a desperately lonely Naruto sit upon many a time before he had reached out to the boy. It seemed a rather appropriate place to wallow in ones despair and the irony of reminiscing his failings at the location of his greatest triumphs was not lost on him. Sighing deeply, Iruka sat on the swing and watched the classes through the windows, swaying to and fro with the breeze. The shower for the time being could wait.