Chapter Four

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by writtenlarry

by writtenlarry

I opened the door to his room. Thank God it was unlocked. I slowly walked in and cautiosly and quitely I shut the door. His room was a bit dark. It only had two windows right next to each other that had huge dark curtains covering them up and letting almost no sunlight in. I turned on the lamp that was sitting on a small drawer next to the bed. It lit the room up a bit not much but enough for me to see. I took off my dirty white Vans and my denim jacket that I was wearing. Leaving me with only a white plain t-shirt and black skinny jeans on. I got on top of his bed and put my head on his pillow. Hoping it smelled like Harry but it didn't. It smelled like lavender. I got up and took my skinny jeans off. I couldn't sleep with those on and started looking for Harry's suitcase. Im sure he had some pajama pants. I found his suitcase under the bed but it was empty. Realizing that Harry always tried to be as comfortable as he could be in a hotel, he must have put his clothes in the small closet in the room. I opened the closet door to find that I was right. I grabbed a pair of his pajama pants and slip them on. They were a bit too long on me since Harry was taller then me. But I didn't mind. I smiled to myself as I got back on top of the bed. I felt a calming sensation just by wearing his pants. Wait. No.

I shouldn't be feeling like this.

I shouldn't want to sleep in Harry's bed.

I shouldn't be imagining how it would feel to sleep next to Harry.

I shouldn't want to cuddle with Harry while he plays with my hair.

I shouldn't be feeling butterflies in my stomach when I got near him.

I shouldn't be crying so much.

I shouldn't want to kiss Harry again.

I shouldn't but I DID.

"For crying out loud, Louis! You are getting MARRIED! With a GIRL!! With Eleanor Calder!! A beautiful woman! You aren't GAY!! Remember? You're just friends with Harry nothing MORE!" I tried to convince myself.

But I wasn't convincing enough.

Maybe... I am gay?

But I've had sex with El and other girls before. And I've liked it. I have had girlfriends and Ive liked them. I like Eleanor. I mean she is gorgeous.

But... do I feel the same way with Eleanor then with Harry?

No. That's for sure.

But do I LOVE Eleanor?

"Great. Louis. Just fucking great. You are getting married with a girl when you don't even know if you LOVE her!! Fuck. You don't even know if you are hetero!!" I frustratrly talked to myself running a hand through my messy hair.

Tears started to form in my eyes but I wiped them off.

Maybe I do have feelings for Harry other then the regular feelings you get about your best friend.

I rubbed my face frustrately.

A got up from the bed and started to walk out to the bathroom when I realized it was getting cold. I walked towards the small drawer beside the bed on the other side. Rubbing my arms in search for one of Harry's hoodies.

I pulled the drawer a little and it wouldn't open. I tried again harder this time.

Bang!

I fell back as I opened the jamed drawer.

"Ow! Fuck! That hurt!" I yelped as I sat back up. I looked in the drawer cabinet that was now far from inside the drawer expecting to find Harry's hoodie. But it wasn't his hoodie that was savely put in the small drawer it was his notebook.

The notebook Harry carried everywhere.

The one I sometimes caught him writing in, but he never let me read.

I knew it was like his diary. And I wanted to read it but he never allowed it.

And now here it was right in front of me.

I shouldn't read it.

But heck I shouldn't be doing alot of things yet I still do them.