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—wheredo i even go?
OCTOBER 8: KIM NAMJOON
==
he should be at work right now. he knows that. but he keeps walking, even across murky rain puddles and even after bumping into a grouchy man and even after feeling like utter shit at the world.
granted, namjoon felt the last one starting on friday; but he can't help but feel like a dick right now knowing that a boy out there, deprived of adulthood, is being possibly possessed (has he ever believed in monsters? maybe he should, now). or maybe kim taehyung is really dead. but how?
god, what the fuck is going on?
despite consulting with jimin, yoongi, and hoseok over the weekend, he still barely understands anything happening around him. it's all beginning to feel like some sick, twisted reality, like he's bound to wake up in some fucking mental asylum any moment with an IV cable in his arm. hell, he's too goddamn scared to visit the basement of the detective agency now because of that paperweight incident a week prior.
namjoon remembers jimin's shaky words from the day before, sharp as blades in his mind.
"he...taehyungie always had this, this amazing smile on. like he was happy just to be breathing, y'know? but sometimes, especially after he began his...meds, he would have this faraway look in his eyes, like—"
he continues to walk, eyes against the wet pavement of the sidewalk, october air howling into his ears. it is barely five in the evening—namjoon realizes it's his first time skipping work—, but the sky already drips an unearthly gray, and it makes his legs feel weak.
"—there was something in his head. something bad, that you couldn't shake out. it's what he described it as. and he always talked about this..."
namjoon finally looks up, breath a mere shudder. the rubble from last week's subway explosion is still fresh around the scene, barely leaving two road lanes open (why is he here in the first place? it's just plain depressing to see it). he takes a quick glance around, spotting some street singer with tangled beige hair and a biker zipping between two parked taxis.
"...this monster, or something. he'd wake up at the strangest hours and scream for us...god, mrs. kim had it horrible, too..."
he stops briefly, eyes lazily on the street singer but mind somewhere else. even taehyung's mother can't see him on the news footage, from what jimin had told him. but how the fuck does that even make sense? how come he, some random detective in the interior of sunab city, can see a supposed-to-be-dead boy he didn't even know existed until a few months ago when his own mother can't?
