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— "you're a hero, never forget that!"
NOVEMBER 20: MIN YOONGI
==
—to everyone,
it's me, taehyung.
i have a lot to explain, don't i? i kept most of you in the dark about everything. i'm guessing that since you're reading this, jimin followed my instructions and gave this letter to you all, whenever he thought the time was best. and i'm also guessing i'm dead.
for starters, i want to tell you all something: please don't cry too much. i'm okay. there was a reason i ended my life, and though i wish i could stay back with all of you, i wouldn't change what i did. especially mom and linnie—you guys tend to get pretty emotional. seokjin, if you're reading this, tell them a few jokes for me, will you? and don't cry yourself, either. this paper is too thin to hold tears. believe me, i know.
when i woke up from my coma, i knew immediately that abraxas and i were still bonded together. it was kind of an instinct, like how you know to breathe or blink. but the more i thought about it, i realized that if abraxas's physical form was still here and i was, too, then our physical properties were the same as well.
basically, if abraxas was to die, i had to also.
i only told jimin this. it's selfish of me, i know—extremely so, and i'm sorry about that. i'm so sorry. not only because you all were kept ignorant, but also to jimin, and the burden i placed on you. i'm sorry, chim. you never seem to get a break from me, do you?
i was scared. i still am, as i write this. i was scared about the outcome, and that i was still intertwined with abraxas. i didn't want to die, not when i had finally found a group of people, a big one, who supported me. but ending my life was the only way to end abraxas's and to stop losing any more innocent witnesses, so i vowed that i would do so, if it meant that no one else would have to live a life the way i have. (most, however, didn't have friends like you looking after them. i'm a lucky man.)
but i was scared to tell anyone. i didn't want anyone to worry or try and stop my plans. but most of all, i didn't want you to live without me until the very last moment. i wanted to preserve my life for as long as possible, to rake as many memories together as we could, and it's selfish as hell of a reason but i couldn't help it. i'm sorry, everyone. i hid a lot from you all, but i had to. more than anyone, i wanted—want—abraxas to be gone. and i finally had the ability to make that happen.
