Behind Closed Doors: My Life As Ke'Ladriah Wallace

11.

She finished selecting kids and then she left. "Ke'Ladriah, I'm sorry about that but Ms. Crawford is a good friend of mine and she's a really good person. She told me give you this. Please keep it, and the journal too." She gave me a pen to write in it with. I put the stuff up and headed to recess with Jerome right behind me. We kind of aren't "dating" but he has a thing for me I guess. "Hey KeKe." He put his hand around me. I moved it. "What Jerome?" I folded my arms and turned to him. "So I can't put my arm around you?" He mad a sad face at me and I laughed. "Really Jerome what is it?" I kept walking to the swing and he followed me and held my hand. He pushed me on the swing and he talked to me. "Ke'Ladriah I've been thinking." I nodded at him but I don't think he was looking at me. I think he watched my butt as he pushed me. "Do you wanna be my girlfriend ?" The words came out so fast I didn't think twice all I know is I said "yes." What have I done... I went home with my brother holding my hand and my sister on my hip as usual. I opened our apartment door and didn't even get in the door good without screams being thrown my way. "YOU!" I put my sister down and let her and Trenton walk to the back while I took what was being thrown at me. "What now?" Que yanked my arm all the way in the door and he closed it while my mother sat on the couch just about gone. Que's been ordering her pills taking full cautious responsibility from me. "You got that white lady coming here asking me and ya momma questions?! Answer me girl!" I felt terrible. I didn't do nothing. I didn't know why she came to me neither. "Oh so you not gonna answer huh? I told you. You gone have to respect me." I bit him. "You don't scare me and no other man ain't gone to neither!  You not my daddy!" I tried running but he grabbed me and I started to fight him but I just wasn't strong enough. "Don't put your hands on him like that no more girl! What's wrong with you! Baby teach her a lesson." Before I knew it my "mother" was holding me down as Que took off his belt and grabbed my leg to keep me from kicking him. I was getting whipped like a slave and it hurt so bad. This isn't discipline it's abuse. "Momma!" I cried out so many times to the top of my lungs trying yet I struggled to get out of Que's tight grip. Only to get no answer at all. Only to be reminded. This woman that was in this room, holding me down while this sorry excuse of a man whipped me for a petty reason was not my mother at all. She could never be my mother. My mother was loving, understanding, and most of all, my mother would never have allowed this scene to happen. This woman was no mother. She couldn't even think of herself as one. She was a total stranger.