Behind Closed Doors: My Life As Ke'Ladriah Wallace

12.

Killing myself wasn't an option. I can't leave my brother and sister like that. I grabbed the journal and the pen. If this is what I have to do, then this is it.

I barely even know this stupid man. He thinks he can come in here and take over everything! I think not. He need to go back to where he came from if you ask me. I'm getting tired of this! It's too much! A whole month he been here and I been getting whippings from left to right about the STUPIDEST stuff. Que taking control and Angela's letting him do it! She don't even care! I think she never did! That's fine. Me, Trent and my sister don't need her! I can take care of them like I been doing! These 2 years has been me me and me! I been playin' momma round here and I been doing it by myself! Angela don't need me no more though and it's cool. She got Que taking care of her and one day she gone need me back! I been trying to tell her about what Que does when she goes out to get stuff for him. She don't listen. I just hope it gets better for us, and soon.

I put the journal in my bookbag and I really do feel better. Maybe that lady was right but I ain't trying to listen to her. Time for school. I walked out and in the living room to see Que watching tv as always. My sister was sitting down with Trenton and he played with her while she ran around in circles from him. "Hey sit down and shut up! Stupid kids! I'm watching tv." I kissed my teeth still standing in the doorway. "Hey y'all sit down in there!" I knew she heard his other comment but yet she didn't say anything to him. I think she's scared of him. I think he hit her too. What am I saying. I'd probably hit her too. Slap some sense into her, but maybe the drugs are affecting her common sense. I started to walk toward the living room when my sister spilled her juice on the carpet. "Hey! Come get this stupid kid." He got up and grabbed his belt from his side. "I wish you would hit my sister with that belt!" It came out of nowhere. I'd said it. Or did I say it ? My mother grabbed ShaMiyah off of the carpet where she sat frightened and swatted at her arm. Trenton looked back and forth between the now laughing Que and me. "Shut up. I'll hit you and there's nothing you can do about it." Angela was cleaning up the mess as quick as she could. The carpet wasn't clean anyways. It was beige instead of eggshell. She does this so that she can be rewarded with pills. "And if you hit me I'll hit you back. Like I said. Don't touch my sister with that belt. Old scaredy self. You right. I ain't got no daddy to cry to no more, but if I did. I bet he'd beat you with your own belt." Angela was finally done playing maid and she decided to say something. "Don't talk to Que like that! Have some respect!" I grabbed my sister who was crying and put her on my hip. Trenton pulled at my arm because he was scared of what I was about to say. "RESPECT? Oh you mean r-e-s-p-e-c-t? You wanna talk about respect Angela!" I tried to put my sister down and my brother shook his head no pushing her upward back into my arms. He pulled me as hard as he could while my mother spat something i couldn't quite understand at me.