There's A Thug In My Life

Chapter 14: Missing You

(Play Video In The Mm While Reading This Chapter)

Brianna Pov

Jordan & A'Aliyah Was Sleep On Each Side Of Me. I Don't Know What I Would Do Without Them. Even Though I Was Tired I Couldn't Sleep. I Miss Him. & His Last Words Replay In My Head Everyday. "& I Love You*
Then He Flat Lined. How An I Suppose To Cope With This Pain. I Silently Cried Getting Up Walking To The Bathroom. It Was Very Small. I Set On The Toilet & Let Memories Of His Funeral Flow Through My Head.

Flashback

Everybody Was Here & The Service Was Abt To Start. I Wish My Bestfriend Was Here. I Was In The Front Row With Xaviers Parents. It's So Hard Watching His Mother Cry & Seeing His Father Hurt Eyes. He's Trying To Stay Strong For His Wife. The Service Has Just Started & The Preacher Was Preaching.

"We Ask For Everybody To Stand To Show Respect To Mrs. & Mr Jackson." Everybody Rised As He Started Saying Prayer.

"Lord , I Ask You To Watch Over This Family. Help Them Through This Hard Time & Sorrow , & Lord I Ask You To Out Joy Into Their Lives. Lord , I Ask You To Help Them See That Mr. Xavier Jackson Is In A Better Place. In A Place With You Lord , Jesus, In Your Name We Pray. Amen... You Jay Be Seated." The Rest Of The Service I Cried & Now It Was Time To View The Body. His Parents Was First & His Mother Broke Down As She Saw Her Son Laying There In That Casket. It Broke My Heart.  Then It Was Me Next. I Walked To Xaviers Casket & He Looked So Good In His Suit. I Touched His Face & He Was So Cold. I Winced. I Kissed His Cheek & Started Talking To Him. " Xavier Why You Had To Leave Me? Why It Couldn't Be Me? Everything Happens For A Reason But It Shouldn't Have Been You. What Am I Going To Do? You Were My Everything & I Just Want You To Know I Love You." I Said While Crying. I Sat Next To His Mother & She Hugged Me As I Sobbed In Her Chest. Then People Started Going Up & Talking Abt How Sweet He Was & Sharing Memories. Then It Was My Turn.

"Hi Everybody. I'm Xaviers Girlfriend. This Is So Hard. It Wasn't His Time. Ik I'm Not Suppose To Question God But Why Him? I Love Him With Everything In Me. He My Other Half. Best Friend. Ride Or Die. My EVERYTHING. Now How Am I Suppose To Handle The Fact My Bestfriend Is Dead. I Think Abt Him Every Night. & I Just Wanna Let You Know I Love You Xavier. " Then I Lost It. I Broke Down Crying. I Couldn't Bear The Pain. No-one Knows What It Feels Like To Lose Somebody You Truly Love. & Everybody Says Be Strong But It's Just So Hard When The Love Of Your Life Is Gone & Is Never Coming Back.

Flashback Over

I Was Just In The Bathroom Crying & Jordan Walked In & Hugged Me. I Hugged Her Back Tightly. She Rubbed My Back & Kept Repeating "It's Okay.." But Is It Really?

"No Jay...*Sniffs* No It's Not Okay. He's Gone & I Cant Do Nothing Abt It & It's All My Fault. That Should've Been Me." I Cried.

"Don't You Dare Say Shit Like That Again. It Wasnt Your Fault & God Wanted Xavier." She Snapped.

"Jay Just Listen.... I'm Holding Too Much In. " I Sniffed. Jordan Nodds Signaling Me To Speak.

I Wipe My Eyes & Took A Deep Breath Before Speaking. "I Hide All My Problems Behind My Smile. Behind My Smile Is A World Of Pain. Xavier's That One Person I'll Never Get Over Nomatter How Hard I'll Try. I Miss Him So Much Jay. I Miss Him So Much. " I Said Breaking Down Again. Jordan Started Crying As She Grabbed My Hand &  Continued To Listen. "I Did What I Did Because Nobody Really Cares. I Smile & Say I'm Fine Because Nobody Really Cares." I State.

" Don't Ever Say Nobody Cares Because I'll Always Care. I Don't Care What I'm Doing Call Me & I'll Be There I'm Your Bestfriend & I'm Here For You Bri. " Jordan States. She Motioned For Me To Finish. I Sniffed & Continued.

"I'm Hurt. I'm Alone. I'm Depressed & I Cry Myself To Sleep All Because It's My Fault." She Was Abt To Say Something But I Cut Her Off " Let Me Talk Jay. The People Who Appear The Strongest On The Outside Are The Weakest On The Inside. A Thousand Words Won't Bring Him Back... I Know Because I Tried. A Millions Tears Won't Either I Know Because I've Cried... I Miss The Old Me. The Happy Me. Everything Is Changing. People Say To Follow My Heart But Which Way To Go When My Heart Is Slipt Into Two ? I'm So Hurt Jay. " I State Breaking Down. She Hugs Me & Hold Me All Night. Couple Hours Later I Fell Asleep In Her Arms. Right There On The Bathroom Floor