I have been a ghost in my house, not really around unless I needed a change of clothes or to shower and take care of my basic needs. Sammie and I were hiding out at Niall's house most nights, it was more sound.
"I can't believe you just leave." Kayla picked as I found some pajamas for tonight.
"It beats sitting here and listening to the fighting." I told Kayla waiting for Sammie to come in with her little stack of clothing she would need for tomorrow and tonight.
"It's like you don't even care about us." Kayla gritted her teeth as if she were angry which were one of her only three emotions.
"Yep Kayla that's it, you got me." I took my backpack and began to zip it up. Slinging it over my shoulder I shifted my weight to one side and arched a brow at Kayla the way she was looking a me with her beady judging eyes.
"How are you okay with all of this?" Kayla asked me as I pushed past her and began to walk down the hallway to find Sammie's room. I couldn't stand another minute hearing Kayla try and attack me. "You go to school, audition for the talent show, cuddle up with your little boy toy, and its life as usual for you!"
"You don't know the half of it! God Kayla you stand there like you know everything! I am just trying to keep myself afloat! There is so much going on right now that I can't even begin to process okay?! Just because I handle my issues different then you does not give you the right to stand there and pretend like you know everything!" I shouted knowing that Kayla had reached my breaking point. I was furious that every time I showed my face at home she had something to say to me.
I didn't want to think abut what was going on in this war zone I called a home. I wanted to be with my friends and try to make things feel normal, to forget about what home was like for a few hours in the day. I needed to stay sane and for me to do that I was trying my best to do the things I thought were normal.
"You leave me here! You leave me here every night to listen to all the arguing! You don't think that, that wears on me?" Kayla bursted with her eyes busting at the seams with tears. Black streaks run down her cheeks are the looks back at me with a completely different demeanor.
"I'm ready." Sammie said with her little Dora backpack tightened to her back, her little eyes wondering up to me.
Picking her up I sat Sammie on my hip and looked back at Kayla while she let her tears run wild. I had never seen Kayla cry all that often so when she did I knew that it was something she was hurting over. Kayla wasn't the crying type and by me leaving it must have hit a nerve in her.
"I gotta go." I closed my eyes and gazed down at the floor as I left Kayla in tears with no comforting words to give her.
"Yeah, you go." Kayla shouted at me while I felt her eyes during into my back. Just as soon as I reach the door I hear the infamous fighting begin to spark between my mother and father that hadn't stopped since the day I had slipped in the car while in an argument with my mother about all the same things.
+
"So what song are you thinking you want to sing for the talent show?" Niall asked me while he strummed a few chores on his light wood acoustic guitar. I sat cross legged on his bed right across from his while he plucked a few sings waiting for a reply.
"What can you play?" I asked Niall popping a piece of popcorn into my mouth from the bowl that sat in the middle of us with.
"I can play anything, you name it." Niall answered as I thought of a song that I wanted to perform in front of not only the student body but also the parents of the student body.
"I was thinking Dollhouse." a smile curled up on the corners of my lips just as Niall began to strum the chords to the song.
"Hey girl open the walls, plays with your dolls we'll be a perfect family. When you walk away its when we really play you don't really hear me when I say, mom please wake up dads with a slut." I sang along to the acoustic melody. This song really hit home with me and I thought for my healing process performing this would be therapeutic for me in a way.
"Woe this song is too real." Niall said as I giggled at what he said before he stopped playing.
"Very real, but no one knows that besides you guys and my family obviously and I doubt they are going to show up to this thing anyways." I told Niall as I picked at my black jeans that had rips at the knees. "I don't want them to come anyways."
"Is that true?" Niall questioned stopping his picking at his guitar to really ask me to question.
"Yes." I answered simply knowing that he wasn't going to be satisfied with that answer.
"I think you care more then what you let on." Niall read me as I looked up at his crystal blue eyes concentrating on me.
"All they are going to do is cause a scene."
"I think you want their support, you want someone to be there for you despite all of us being there even if you won't admit it out loud."Niall said placing his guitar down on the floor as she got a little closer to me.
"It doesn't matter anyways what I want. It never has and I don't think it ever will." I told Niall in confidence.
Despite Blair being my best friend, Niall had a way of getting me to open up to him. I felt comfortable telling him anything and everything. He was a good listener, and he always knew what to say. He was also good a reading people and what they really feel despite their actions and what they said out loud to others.
"I know that even though you say you don't care about what happens to your family, you do. You don't want to have a broken home like every other kid on the block but, you also don't want to put on this facade either." Niall told me as I looked into his clear blue eyes, I found comfort in them seeing as they looked at me with care an concern.
"I hate the dollhouse persona, it's so exhausting to try and convince other people who don't know you that you are perfect." I shook my head thinking about all the memories of my mother and I fighting about the same things over and over again. It was as if it were groundhogs day.
"I think everything will turn out for the best. I think you are all going to get past this, its only a little bump in the road." Niall gave me a little side smile as I returned the gesture.
"You think so?" I asked Niall as he ran a hand through his bleached blonde hair that matched those beautiful ocean eyes.
"I know so." He smiled a contagious smile that I could help but return back to him.
