blue jay | janiel

epilogue

Hope and I sat on a bench in front of our apartment. She had a camera with her and she took photos of our surroundings, adjusting the camera angle and changing settings every few minutes. The warm July sun shone down on us and I stretched my arms behind my head, basking in the heat.

Butterflies hovered around me, their colourful wings a blurred mess as they flapped their wings quizzically. Seeing such beauty reminded me of the boy I met nine months ago, the boy who took his own life in front of me.

I looked up and watched the clouds move. Some of them were shaped like animals while the others were balls of white cotton candy. I wondered what we'd be doing right now if Joey was still alive. I smiled, guessing we'd probably be having ice cream at a cute gelato shop or cuddling in bed all day, kissing and laughing.

My eyes began to water at the thought of him and I wiped them quick, refusing to let any tears fall. I didn't want to spend another day being sad. But I missed Joey. I missed him so fucking much. I thought about him everyday. He had always been so spontaneous and he lived each moment to its fullest. It was one of things I admired most about him.

I couldn't stop my eyes from watering again and tears spilled down my cheeks. Silent sobs escaped my lips and Hope noticed, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"Thinking of Joey?" She asked softly.

"I miss him," I whispered.

Hope rubbed my back.
"I'm sorry Daniel. I know it's hard."

We sat in silence for a few moments. I cleared my throat as Hope stood up with the camera in her hands.

"The sun's gonna go down soon. Let's go inside and have some dinner. It'll make you feel better."

I shook my head. "I want to stay out a bit more. Eat without me."

Hope gave me a tight smile and turned around without saying anything else. I watched as she went in the apartment and I looked back at the sky, my mind wandering back to Joey.

Guilt ripped through my heart as I remembered his face as he stood on the ledge. I should have pulled him down from there. I tried to and he kicked me off but still, I could have saved him.

I saw a therapist once a week to cope with Joey's death and to deal with the intense wide range of emotions that came with it.

The hours flew by and I was still sitting on the bench, gazing up. The sun was a fiery orange ball, sending ripples of red, yellow and purple hues across the sky. The clouds were thin and they sailed away, making room for the moon's arrival later. A flock of birds flew in the distance and a dog barked nearby.

I was lost in the beauty of it all. I shut my eyes and breathed in the dewy brisk evening when a light aroma of lavender and amber arose nearby. I sniffed the alluring scent and opened my eyes to see where it came from. I gasped as a million butterflies exploded in my chest and my heart ached at the sight before me.

There he was.

I sprung off the bench and threw my arms around Joey, wrapping my legs around his waist and holding him tight. Joey held me back even tighter and buried his face in my neck. His body trembled, indicating he must be crying and a waterfall of tears poured down my eyes. My sobs were loud and revealed all the pain and heartache I've endured.

Joey brought his hand to my chin, making me look at him. He wiped my tears away with his thumb and stared tenderly in my eyes, a look that made me melt. He leaned in, his forehead touching mine and his hand placed on the nape of my neck. I held nothing back as I shut my eyes and connected my lips to his. We kissed deeply with a needy hunger that ignited sparks in my heart and I felt true genuine happiness for the first time in forever. Nothing else mattered; the world was at our feet. Our tongues reunited slowly and softly, comforting in ways that could never be described in mere words. My thumb caressed Joey's cheek as his hands ran down my spine, pulling me closer until there wasn't any space left between us. I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest.