A Reverse World

Complex Love

One year. That's how long Elizabeth and I have been together, but that's not where my heart has been. Slowly I have come to the point in my life of questioning, do I honestly love this girl in front of me? Sure she is gorgeous, funny and absolutely brilliant, but does that mean anything in this equation of love? Plus there is him. Oh the gods above surely know about him. How he makes me smile, the feelings I get when I'm next to him, but none of that helps make it okay.

Heterosexual, one who is attracted to the opposite sex. Better known in society as not normal. No one is "straight". At least not since the 80s' and I deffinetly am not straight, yet when I look into those pine tree green eyes I can't help but feel little butterflies in my stomach. No, I can't! Every preacher, every person even my parents have told me people like that, like what I might be, go straight to hell to burn for all of eternity.

Looking into the mirror in front of me I can't help but wonder, would God really do that to me? Is it that bad of a sin to look past? I would like to say I'm a good person, inside and out. I always help out by doing charity or just being there for a person, I treat others with kindness. I am the class president and hold fun raisers to help out the sick or to pay for extra supplies for teachers. I do a lot. I'm not exactly gorgeous, but fair enough with strange sky blue eyes that change to warm greens and grays, and long wavy chestnut brown hair. My figure isn't perfect at 5'7'' with a little bit of fat here and there.

"Vi? How's it going honey?" My dad walks in with a bright smile on his face interrupting my train  thought. He knows how important this day is, well suppose to be. He believes I couldn't be happier, yet here I am questioning it all. I know he would be so disappointed if I told him the truth about it all. That's why I just smile, and put my take face on.

"It's going great, dad. Just deciding on an outfit. Should i I wear jeans and a flannel or my white dress?"

"Maybe the jeans since you have that dinner tonight?" I smile at him and head to the closet pulling out a white lace knee length dress.. "Oh honey, don't forget you have piano right after school as well, okay? The necklace you got Liz is in a little box on the counter next to your purse. Even though you know I love you and would love yo help out with your fashion choices I have to head to work early for a meeting. I'll see you later tonight." His smile warms my heart as he hugs me and his familiar sent hits my nose.

"Okay daddy, have a great day
I love you so much."