Scars

Chapter 1

Its been four months since that day. From then on, I promised Viktor that I would never self harm again. I loved him too much, and if I were to cause him more pain, I would never forgive myself. Viktor saved my life, and since then I've become happier, and I started to do the things I loved again. Ive been figure skating with Viktor's coaching non-stop, and he even thinks i'll be ready for this years Grand Prix. But in all honesty, I dont think I am. Under Viktor's wing, I've had a rollercoaster of wins and losses, but last years Grand Prix was the worst. I came in 6th place, and I didnt even qualify for Nationals. Which means I didnt go on the the European Championships, nor the Worlds. I had never seen Viktor so disappointed. But the year before that, I had won the Grand Prix, for the third time, and placed second at the Worlds. I've come so far from when Viktor had begun coaching me.

Back in 2016, I had only won a few competitions in Japan, against younger skaters, and I had never won any of the qualifying cups for the Grand Prix. I was able to get Silver at the Grand Prix, as well as in the European Championships, and Bronze at the Worlds. I remember how content i was with my placings, but Viktor kept pushing me. Eventually, I won my first Gold Medal at the Grand Prix in 2017 and Viktor and I got married later that year. We both took a break from figure skating to plan our wedding and go on a honey moon, and all that jazz, and I started to compete again at the end of 2018. I really love competing with Viktor as my coach. It keeps our relationship exciting, well that and other things. To be completely blunt, our sex life is nothing short of amazing, and honestly, I was never really attracted to men until I met Viktor, even when gender never mattered to me.

I had always loved Viktor, he's been my idol since I was a child, his figure skating was glorious when I first discovered him when he was 16, and it still is at 32. Viktor stopped competing after he turned 29, 2 years after he officially became my coach, because his body couldnt handle it anymore. Now that I'm going to be that age in a few months, I can understand where he's coming from. He only practices with me a few days a week now because my body begins to ache after one full day pf practice, but i continue to carry on. I think this year will be my final year of competing though, at 28 years old.

I finally feel like Viktor and I are ready to settle down, buy a house, and maybe even have children, through adoption of course. I'm so glad that he's my soulmate because I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else.

Soulmates are connected spiritually and physically, and from the day you're soulmate is born, you can feel the same pain, and have the same marks on your body as them, until they're either erased or removed. This means soulmates can contact each other through writing on their arm, and usually, people know their soulmates before they go into the first grade. Unfortunately for me and Viktor, it wasn't as simple. Since I was 8 years old, I tried communicating with him, but back then we both spoke two completely different languages. I didnt know he was my soulmate until I was 14 because it was when i started to learn english, and we spoke to each other that way. I was amazed, and also a little confused, at how the man I looked up to so much could be my soulmate. I was so overjoyed, I started to contact him through social media, but we didnt officially meet until my first Grand Prix Final. I was so embarrassed that I basically avoided him the entire time, until we were about to board our flights at the same international airport. I bumped into him while running to my flight, and he stopped me, grabbed me by both of my shoulders and hugged me. Before pulling away, he whispered in my ear "Dasvidanya, We'll meet again, my love," and kissed my cheek. smiling as he lead me to the boarding area for my flight. Thinking of the event, my cheeks were painted pink the entire flight back to Hatsetsu. Looking back on it, I'll never forget that day.

Even though I know Viktor loves me as much as I love him, probably even more, sometimes I let my anxiety get the best of me, and I start to think that he'll leave me. I put him through so much when I was younger, I feel so much regret for it now because everything that i was feeling, he felt. Every cut, every punch and cigarette burn, appeared in the same spot on his body, and I hated it. Starting in middle school, I was constantly bullied about my weight and for figure skating, and sadly this constant torture was continued through high school. When I was 15, I couldnt deal with it much longer. Everyday, the threats from my class mates were getting progressively worse, and the stress of my academics caused me to have constant anxiety attacks, so one day I decided it was time. I walked into the bathroom and looked at the mess of tears staring back at me. While shuffling through the drawers of the counter, i had finally found what I was looking for. Finally feeling the cool metal slice my arm, I could say I was content, but about 5 new marks in, a note came in on my arm from Viktor.

"My love please tell me whats wrong," forgetting he was being cut open as well, I dropped the blade on the ground and sobbed into my opposite arm. Quickly running to my room, I searched for a pen to reply, but as I found one, I lost the drive to reply. I returned to the bathroom and picked up the blade again, not caring about anyone else except myself. As each new cut formed, my thoughts grew darker and darker.

"He doesn't love you, he'll never love you, he's probably not even your soulmate, its probably some asshole playing a dumb trick with your heart," my mind echoes as the cold blade continues to make contact with my warm skin. Tears clouding my eyes, I dropped the blade once more and put my head in my hands. Slipping to the floor, i feel its cold tile caress my warm skin, whispering 'Is this your final resting place?' Still holding the pen in my hand, i sloppily respond to Viktor, finally.

"Even though we have never met, and we probably won't, because I'm s destructive, just know that I love you. For the past year, you've been there for me, and all I've done in return is mark up your body with these horrible scars. I'm so ashamed, Viktor, but love you, and I'm sorry," I scribbled quickly, as if it were the last thing I were to ever write, and maybe it was. He never replied that night, and I though that my whole world came crashing down at once, but here we are. Almost 20 years later, together, happy, and utterly and completely in love.