This Thing That Breaks My Heart

Chapter 8

Carter woke with a splitting headache and blurry eyes. He was vaguely aware of a of a strange, throbbing ache in his hand.

He waited for the room to stop spinning before he looked around. Danny and Erica were sprawled on one bed. Bobby and Bridget were curled on the floor. And Brad was on the couch.

Carter’s eyes fell to a Ziploc bag, half full of water, tossed to the side of the bed.

The fuck?

A sharp ache immediately drew his attention to his hand wrapped in Band-Aids and gauze.

Carter’s heart dropped. For a goalkeeper, hands were everything. What did he do?

Memories began to peek through the cloudy haze of last night.

Carter turned his head to see Bridget staring at him. Carter sat up slowly and sighed, his face dropping to his hands. “Fuck.” He grimaced as his head hit his right hand.

Bridget reached over and lifted his chin gently. “How ya feeling? Don’t throw up, this is Tim's bed.”

Carter groaned in reply as he rose and slowly trudged to the bathroom. A wave of dizziness and nausea hit him, forcing him to slump over the countertop until it passed.

Erica appeared behind him, with a gentle hand on his neck. They locked eyes through the mirror, until Carter was overwhelmed, by the concern and fear and worry he saw in his friend’s eyes.

And even more overwhelmed by the guilt. God, he felt guilty. After everything he had said to Erica, she was still by his side. He didn’t deserve her.

Carter broke their gaze and turned on the sink. He splashed his face, and Erica silently handed him a towel before leaving.

Carter stared at his reflection, beyond embarrassed at the patchy memories flooding back. A particular flashback made his blood turn cold.

Carter walked out with a look of horror. “Please tell me Tim wasn’t here last night.”

They exchanged guilty looks, as Carter cursed and slid to the ground.

“I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t mean...I just. I’m sorry.” Carter stared blankly at the floor.

“Carter, you got to talk to us. You scared us.”

“I didn’t want to bother anyone. It’s so stupid.”

Bridget slouched on the floor next to him.

“We love you, nothing you say is stupid, nothing you do is stupid.”

Brad looked at her strangely. “Have you even met Carter?”

Bobby snorted in smothered laughter.

“Dude.” Bridget shot him a look.

“What? Oh, come on. Carter thought it was funny too!”

And it was true; Carter was struggling to hide a rueful smile. They all laughed a little then, grateful for the slight ease in tension.

“I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m seriously losing it.” The words rushed out. “I wanted to try. It was hard, but we could’ve done it. She quit on us, on me. I wasn’t good enough, I’m tired of not being good enough,” he ended. His eyes were firmly locked on the floor.

Danny hesitated. “How much do you remember of last night?”

Carter sighed. “Did I talk to her? Dammit!”

“No, but she did come over, she saw you. She’s worried. She was almost in tears.”

“See what I mean? I’m always fucking things up. She hates me.”