C is for Caroline

10 | a leaky ceiling and some way too loud hentai

Before you read this chapter, I guess you can refer back to the first one since now you're all caught up on the events that led us there. And I'll bet you didn't see half of it coming—don't worry though, neither did I.

I'm currently standing under the cold shower at my house, trying to figure out 80% of what just happened. Like, Caroline was really listing shit at me like she was reading it off of a teleprompter! I was, what, perpetuating "violent behavior" towards her? I've never done a violent thing to her in my life! I'll admit that some of the things I did maybe came off the wrong way or whatever, but she should have said something about it rather than being passive aggressive and allowing what I can now see is a deep-seeded resentment to fester.

And I get that life is hard for her in this country and everything. Like, I know racism exists, but just becase I did some things that may have upset her, it doesn't mean that I'm racist—and I can tell that that's was what she was alluding to. It wasn't very subtle.

And implying that I'm a closeted racist is one thing, but for her to say that she doesn't care about my feelings? Now that's just cold. Like, excuse me for thinking I was somewhat important to her. Two months of monogamous sex usually means something to normal people. Of course this is Caroline though, so I'm not sure why I was expecting normal.

Another thing too: where the hell did she get the idea that I think I'm some radical revolutionary? I don't even know what that means for Christ's sake! I honestly have feelings for this woman and she can't see past her own anger at the general world to acknowledge it! Like, seriously, on my life I never meant to make her feel forced into sex. I just was saying yes to her every time she asked and I figured I deserved some 'yes's too. It wasn't like an ultimatum or anything...

...Okay, maybe it was a little bit of an ultimatum, but I didn't have a gun to her fucking head! She could have said no!

And the thing with my clothes? I mean, come on. That was just unnecessary. She could have just told me to leave if she wanted me gone so badly or—what? Oh, she did? Fuck...okay, yeah I can see why she would need to...with the clothes....

Oh God. Caroline had said that I wouldn't understand or acknowledge most of the things she was saying to me and here I am, having a problem with 90% of it. And I respect that she has her own views on shit, but I have mine too. That doesn't mean anything inherently bad though, it just means we're different. And that's okay.

...Right?

Honestly, if Caroline finds my presence so toxic then she needs to hang around some of the other people I know so she can see what toxic really looks like. I can't think of anyone in my life that would agree with her on my being toxic. It's not my fault she's only ever had two and a half friends (the half (formerly) being me). She needs to expand her circle more. Maybe if she hung out with other people more often, she wouldn't have had all those problems with me.

And the worst part about all of this is that I still have feelings for her. I think I'm in love with her, and the fact that I still feel this way after everything she said to me must be proof. I want to give her the space she desires but I also want to be close to her and hopefully come to a resolution. I know that's not what she wants and that she would likely rather see me dead in a ditch, but I can't help how I feel. Am I supposed to just ignore my emotions? That's not how love works.

Ugh! And on top of that, the idea that's coming to my head is to find her at her apartment and make her talk to me, but those are both things that she said made her feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

First of all, how the hell does conversation make someone feel unsafe??? Uncomfortable, I get, but unsafe? Let's dial it down a little bit.