C is for Caroline

6 | if adele and god collaborated 2016's #1 track

Okay, so is it just me, or have you ever noticed how girls with longer last names just tend to be so much hotter? I'm not sure why that is exactly, but something about a multi-syllabic surname is just so sexy to me. Maybe it's just that those girls tend to feel themselves more...I honestly don't know. All I do know, is that while waiting for me in that near empty lobby, Caroline Fucking Machingaidze was feeling herself like she was fucking Beyonc—actually, no. If I'm being completely honest, I think Caroline's hotter than Beyoncé (I understand that I am putting my safety at risk with this statement, but I stand by it), she's like Beyoncé's big sister, Queen C.

So yeah, while waiting for me in that near empty lobby, Caroline Fucking Machingaidze was feeling herself like she was...Caroline Fucking Machingaidze. And with good reason too, because God damn if she wasn't literally the sexiest person I had ever seen.

It was clear that she hadn't planned on calling me until she actually did. She was wearing glasses, which meant that she must have taken out her contacts for the night since I sincerely doubt she would have opted not to wear them of her own volition. I was happy to learn that she needed contacts though. Not that it was necessarily a flaw, but it did make her feel more human to me.

That would help with tonight.

And so after who-knows-how-long of me standing by the doorway, shamelessly ogling Caroline, she finally looked up from her phone and noticed my presence.

As her eyes landed on me, they narrowed momentarily as if she was trying to remember why exactly she had done this to herself. I don't really understand why though, since if I'm going to be honest again; I'm attractive.

There, I said it.

I'm not Christopher Mason or anything, but I am a handsome guy and I'm sure by now Caroline must've noticed. So yeah, the face confused me.

She only made it for a moment though, before her eyes opened back up and she sighed, beckoning me to her with one finger. I felt like a cartoon character following the smell of delicious food as I walked mindlessly over to her.

During my short walk to her, she had looked back down to her phone, but when I finally reached her, she locked the phone and rested her eyes on me. She was looking at me with not a smile, but not a frown either. It was an expression in between the two that I wouldn't necessarily describe so much as blank, but more apathetic.

Regardless, this was progress and I would take what I could get.

"Thanks for coming," she said.

I frowned even though I didn't mean to. It was just that she had her bedroom voice on and I was not expecting it. "Uh—yeah, no problem."

She took in another deep breath, looked me over again scrutinizingly, pursed her lips, nodded to herself in what seemed to be acceptance of the situation, and then let out the breath.

It felt weird being looked at like that, but then again it was Caroline, so I couldn't really complain.

"Come with me," she finally said, turning around and heading to the elevator. And as I followed her and finally had a chance to take in the rear view, I had to use 110% of my brain power to not do something stupid (like get an erection before I even got the chance to see underneath her robe).

Whoo! This is about to be A1. You're about to have the sex of a lifetime, Jeremy!

^ that's me pumping myself up in my head in case you were wondering. It helps me get in the mood.

Another thing that helps me get into the mood is conversation, and I wanted to make some with Caroline before we actually did the deed, but she didn't seem to want to talk. She pressed the button on the elevator and then just stared silently at the door with an intriguing look on her face.