C is for Caroline

14 | a bittersweet adieu but less bitter, more sweet

"If she's turning twenty-one, shouldn't she be having her party at a bar or something?"

Caroline and I are currently at her apartment, getting ready for Anika Chopra's 21st birthday party that she's hosting at her house, with her parents present, for some unknown reason. Like, what regular person wants to take their birthday shots across the counter from their parents? That's weird, right?

And I know that Caroline's adamant about Anika's parents actually being really cool and chill, but still. I just imagined that being me and my parents, and I got literal chills.

"Anika doesn't really drink like that. And anyway, aren't you still twenty?" Caroline asks, looking over at me with a raised brow.

I scowl, and it makes her smile and give me this cute little pout. It's like the kind of pout someone makes when they see a newborn kitten—so, not exactly how you want the girl you've been seeing to look at you, but still; once she's smiling, I just can't help myself from doing the same.

"Aww," she cooes. "You're not even legal."

Groaning, I roll my eyes. "I will be soon," I mutter. "Besides, I have a fake, so it doesn't matter."

Caroline laughs, but says nothing as she continues shadowing her eyelids.

I watch her with a curious frown. "What is it?" I ask, getting the feeling that there's something she's not saying.

Caroline lowers her makeup brush as she turns to me. She pauses for a moment, and then reaches out to grab my face, squeezing my cheeks sharply between her fingers. I let out a strange, garbled whine as Caroline pulls me close and looks at me for a second, smushed face and all, and then smiles, leaning forward and planting a small kiss on my lips.

I want to kiss her back, but before I can, she's already released my face and returned to her eye makeup, completely unaware of the fact that my heart is beating 1000 times a minute.

I clear my throat as I lift back up the light I'd been holding for Caroline.

The lights on her vanity broke the other day, and so for the past few days, I've had the privilege of getting to watch her do her makeup as I hold her portable light above her head. A light that, might I add, actually gets pretty fucking heavy—especially when it takes her over an hour to do her makeup.

God, she's lucky I love her.

Anyway, I know it's been a few weeks since we started seeing each other again, but it still doesn't feel real. Especially when Caroline does cute-ass shit she never used to do before. It's crazy to think we've come so far in such a short time. Like, not to eat my own ass or anything, but I'd say our story is turning out pretty well, don't you think?

I'm happy that over the course of this journey, you've all gotten to witness me doing more than just making a fool out of myself (although, let's be real, there was definitely a lot of that). I just feel like I've gotten so close to all you peeps on the other side of the fourth wall. It's sad for me to see you go.

Or...

Wait a minute, are you the ones seeing me go?

Am I about to just stop existing in a few pages??? What happens to me after you're done reading about—

Breathe, Jeremy! BREATHE. In...out...in.....out.....in..........out.

^that's me doing the new breathing exercise Caroline taught me last week. I will admit that I was skeptical at first, but this whole 'deep breathing' thing has actually helped with a lot of my restlessness. Plus, it gives me time to think before I say stupid shit, so there's that.