I sit on the blue stained seat my foreheads pressed against the window my breath leaving clouds of fog as the little drops of rain lash down from the grey sky and bounce of the window. I miss the scorching hot weather in Spain already but how could I stay there on my own with two kids, sleeping in the cold empty bed I once shared with Cheryl as she snuggled up close to me. I must have called Cheryl about 50 times and left 100 messages but she doesn’t even have the decency to reply, She left me alone in a foreign country with a seven year old and a baby when she knew how nervous I was about bringing them here on my own that’s why I’ve never took them abroad before. I don’t get it why would she just leave? She seemed so happy for once. I was happy she built my hopes up and told me what I wanted to hear then stamped on my heart crushing it beneath her foot. I’m not the only one upset. Amy’s been moaning on all day asking where her brilliant “Aunt Chezza” is and Lexi’s been calling “Za Za” for hours before she dropped off to sleep against Amy’s side. How could she do this to us, all of us? I’m just happy I got an early flight even if I did have to wait a full day on my own.
A fat tear drop rolls down my face clinging onto my wet cheek. It seem like I haven’t stopped crying in days, I need to pull myself together but its like my whole world has came crashing down around me hours after I thought my life was about to change for the better.
I look at my beautiful girls. They are both asleep. Amy’s arms draped over Lexi’s shoulder as she leans into her side. Amy’s heads dropped to the side resting on Lexi’s on top of her blonde hair and it keeps bouncing up and down pulling her out of sleep as the train trucks down the bumpy track. Her eyes are red and puffy from the hours of crying. Crying because of Cheryl,because of me.Its not fair on her she doesn’t understand she shouldn’t have to understand but if I’m honest I don’t either. Their dark tan glistens under the light above us on the moving train a painful reminder of the happiness we shared on our cut short holiday. Amy’s hair still has the tight braids at the front i remember us all laughing discussing how she looked like a mini Cheryl back in 2003 and now I’m sitting in silence with my thoughts, my dangerous thoughts. What I would give to be have Cheryl in my arms right now.
Lexi stirs against Amy. I watch as she brings her fist to her sticky eye and rubs it pulling herself from Amy’s body making her drop to the side waking her up. Her long hair cascades her face like a curtain she’s still half asleep, her eyes still half shut. I don’t immediately go to pull Lexi on my lap I just watch them pull themselves together from their short uncomfortable sleep. ”Ma!” She reaches out her arms and I lift her over the wooden table between us putting her on my knee cuddling her close to my chest so she can feel the rhythm of my heart beat and drift her back into a peaceful slumber.
“Is Cheryl back?” Amy murmurs still half asleep. I look as she opens her eyes fully realising where she is, who isn’t here. Another fat tear drop rolls down her skin and its breaking my heart to see her like this she thinks Cheryl never loved her like she said she did and that she isn’t going to see her again just like how both her mother and father left her all those years ago.
“Come here” I hold her hand as she walks around the table onto the seat next to me. She climbs on my knee next to Lexi and wraps her little arms around us burying her head into me. I stroke her hair pushing it out from around her face planting gentle kisses on her forehead.
“I’m so so sorry” I whisper tears begin to leak from the corner of my dark rimmed eyes and Amy’s sobbing into my hair the grip she has on me tightens.Wet dropplets glide down my cheeks leaving a line of black mascara.
“She doesn’t love us anymore does she?” She manages to say between sobs. It breaks my heart and right now I’m fuming with Cheryl, I’m actually fuming at her selfishness. I pull her away from me and hold both her tiny hands in mine.
“I’ll always love you Always! Me and Lexi, that’s all you need and we love you so much” She nods her head looking up at me with her dark tear filled eyes flashing me a smile hiding her sadness.
