We’re sitting on the large leather sofa she’s inches away from me but it feels like miles. She’s worried I can see it in her eyes as she blinks away the tears.
“Amy hates me” She whispers not looking up from the tea shes nursing between her cold palms.
“She was heartbroken Cheryl, She thought she wasn’t going to see you again” I watch her eyes staring at the tea swirling around in her cup. “They kept asking where you went and I didn’t have an answer”
“I’m so sorry”
“So you keep saying “I mutter under my breath she hears the sarcasm in my voice and rests her now warm hand on my knee.I quickly push it away.She looks hurt by my actions and sarcastic remarks.
“Kimberley I –“She stops talking and pulls her sleeves back over her hands. “I don’t want you to hate me” I look at her face so worried and upset and all I want to do is hold her in my arms and kiss her forehead and tell her everything’s going to be ok and that I still love her but I can’t because she doesn’t want me to love her. Not like that. Not how I want to love her.
“It’s Ashley”
“What do you mean its Ashley?”
“He wanted to give it another go” and when those words leave her lips my hearts crushed in her fist.Its like she’s squeezing any life left in it. My stomach knots and I want to cry. I want to let out all these emotions and express how upset I am, how disappointed and angry I am with her, with myself,with him. How could she just play me like this,how does she think this is ok? Why I allowed myself to get this close her again is beyond me. Is she forgetting what he did to her? Is she forgetting how she cried herself to sleep every night over that pitiful excuse of a man? I want to scream all these question at her but I don’t. I try my best to remain calm.
“You must be joking?” I get up from the sofa and run my fingers through my hair letting out a deep sigh.I don’t know how to act and I certainly don’t know what to say. She rests the white china mug on the wooden coffee table and holds onto my wrists pulling them down from my head. I turn my face away from hers trying desperately to blink away the tears.I reuse to show her what shes done to me.
“Kim,Please look at me” She puts her hand on my cheek pulling my focus to her. “I love you Kimberl-“
“Don’t fucking say that” I shout ripping my body away from hers “Didn’t that kiss mean anything to you? Did anything matter to you?!” Shes grabbing my hand and spinning me back around facing her again. Her eyes are leaking, tears are cascading down her bare face. What does she possibly have to cry about? Her heart hasn’t been ripped out her chest and crushed. She hasn’t got children upstairs crying themselves to sleep wondering where the person who’s cradled them in her arms for weeks has disappeared to. She isn’t in love with someone who’s in love with someone else.Shes running her thumb softly over my skin wiping away my tears.
“Of course it did that’s why I’m here” She pushes my hair out my face and smiles faintly “It meant everything to me” I don’t understand anything that’s happeing,shes confusing me and before I have the chance to respond I taste the familiar taste of her cherry lip balm I feel the familiar softness of her lips. She’s breathing heavy but I doubt it’s as heavy as me.She wants this to be real she wants it to be magical but for me I can’t allow it. I can’t kiss her while she’s pretending to feel something for me.I pull away and scowl at her.I remember shes in a man’s shirt,shess wearin his shirt and kissing me.She must have just left Ashley to come here to me tasting my lips just after tasting his.It repulses me.
“You can’t keep doing this to me” I breathe pulling from her arms and walking through the door into the hallway.
“Kimberley… wait Kim… Let me explain… please” She pleading but I ignore her.
“I’m fucking in love with you!” She screams at the top of her voice through sobs.
I stop and shes running to me cupping my face in her hands pushing me back against the cold wall shes lost in my eyes and our noses are touchng slightly.I feel her breath against my lips.My body shivers with desire with … love.
“Im in love with you,Kimberley” She whispers and I believe her.sh cant fake the lve that’s sparkling in her eyes or her trembling hands against my skin. But i know theres a question I have to ask, a question I don’t want to ask but I need to so I force it from my lips.
“What about Ashley? You love him”
“Not how I love you”
“But you still love him”
She looks down at the carpeted floor and doesn’t speak but her body language speaks a thousand words. She does love him but she loves me also. She want the best of both worlds,she wants us both. I take her hand in mine. Her sleeve drops down from her wrist to expose four tin purple bruises. My heart races as she realises they have been exposed. She quickly pulls her arm back.
“I – uh –I fell” She’s lying, I know she is but I don’t say anything, what can I say? I know what’s happened and I know who left those marks on her beautiful skin. I’m not stupid. I just pull her back to me so our bodies are pressing against one another’s. I run my fingers through her hair and watch as her lips cur into a smile.
“No one will ever love you like I do” I whisper against her lips and then she kisses me. It’s magical and makes me all fussy on the inside, not like how the other kisses felt. I feel the love I feel the desire. This new feeling could be dwelled upon later, because for now, I’m content to feel her breath come and go with mine. I open my mouth deepening the kiss. Her tongues soft and it run over me with such passion. I taste both the cherry lip balm and the cigarette she must have smoked to calm her nerves before knocking on my door. I feel like Im walking on air and this isn’t realityIts just a dream. I mean, i could die right now and be fine with it. I would be totally fine aslong as her skin is against mine and she’s looking at me with love in her eyes. She pulls away from me planting a single kiss on my bottom lip. Her eyes have a little spark in them that I hadn’t seen before just like her face has a look I’ve never seen before. I pull her to me and hold her tight her heads on my shoulder and my arms are raped around her waist, I have no words. I don’t want to speak I just want to enjoy this moment, the moment I’ve dreamt of for so long.
