Having A Place

Sara

           

I'm going to see a lawyer who specializes in custody cases this afternoon. I'm not saying that I want custody of Emma, even though that would be ideal, but I don't think that will ever happen. I just want to be able to spend some time with her and get to know her. She is my daughter after all. I am the one who gave birth to her. I named her. I should be able to see her.

I know that I signed my parental rights away so she could get adopted, but I was seventeen and stupid. My parents were so controlling that I had no choice. There was always a plan and getting pregnant at seventeen was not part of the plan. They wanted me to get an abortion and pretend it never happened. There was no way that I was letting that happen. It was my body and my baby. Then they told me that if I was keeping the baby, that I was giving it up for adoption and they wanted the father to help pay hospital bills, but he bolted as soon as I told him I was pregnant. He was a freshman in college so it was easy for him to run. When Emma was born, they had a lawyer there and the paperwork all filled out and all I had to do was sign, so I did and they took Emma. I thought that she was going to go to a loving family, but I was wrong. My parents didn't care where she ended up as long as she was out of the picture. I found out seven or eight years later, from my parents, that she wasn't adopted. I found out she went into foster care. I was livid. I spent a long time trying to find out where she went. A few years later, I saw online that two members of a country music band adopted her. At least she was in a good home. As soon as I saw that, I knew that was my daughter. I started attending the Little Big Town shows hoping that I would see her. Then one day I was on a run and I saw them at the park with her and a baby. I wanted so badly to stop and tell them who I was. Tell Emma who I was. I didn't have the courage to talk to them. At that time, Emma was probably twelve or thirteen.

My parents told me to leave her be. She has a family. But she is still my daughter. If it wasn't for them, forcing me to put her up for adoption, this would have never happened and I would have gotten to keep my baby.

I walked into the lawyer's office and shook his hand and sat down.

"So we are here to discuss the possibility of getting visitation rights of your daughter?" he asked and I nodded.

"I've looked pretty deep into this case. I've looked for every loop hole that there could possibly be, and I found nothing. I'm sorry" he said. I looked down at the ground.

"There is really nothing we could do" I asked with tears starting to form.

"I'm sorry. You signed away your parental rights to Emma the day she was born. As soon as you did she became a ward of the state. She was in foster care for ten years and was adopted by a loving couple. The way I understand their situation is that they are on the wealthier end and have provided her, her own room, bathroom, and just about anything she wants. They have provided her with a private homeschool teacher as well. She also has a little brother. She has a really good life there." The lawyer said.

He's right. I can't do a thing. What judge is going to force a child with two parents and a lot of money and force them to have visitation with a woman who is single who barely has her life together? The only thing really positive in my life is my boyfriend and he doesn't know about Emma yet.

"Is there anything I can do to get some sort of contact with her?" I asked.

"The only thing you can do is to talk to the parents and see if they are willing to set up visits or something" he said.

"Okay. Thank you so much for your help" I said and shook his hand. He walked me out of his office.

"I hope everything works out" he said.