Brotherly Love

Secrets are a burden

CHAPTER 3

Some days had passed since Johnathon had demanded I leave his room and to say things were awkward was an understatement. Johnathon and I have not spoken since the incident; I was now at odds with both men in my life. However this silence was mine alone. I was walking past father's study one evening when I heard faint yelling; I approached the room and stopped in front of the door. I could not make out what the argument was about, but I knew it had to do with whatever they were not telling me. Defeated I turned away with the intent to head to my room and go to bed however I did not get the chance to take a step before the door swung open and Johnathon walked out of the room shutting it carefully behind him. We looked at each for a short moment without saying a word until he sighed and walked past me indicating with his hand for me to follow. I walked a few paces behind him until he stopped at the entrance of his chambers, he opened the door wide and allowed me to enter first before he followed and closed it behind him, shutting us in.

Johnathon stood for a while and looked at the swept pile of rock near the doorway. He then turned and walked over to his bedside drawer and pulled out the ebony box that I had found on his pillow the other night, gesturing with his hand for me to sit on the bed beside him. Once I was seated he placed the box in my hands and sighed heavily.

"The way I reacted the other night was quite extreme and I would like to apologise. You are as curious and stubborn as your mother was and I know you will not stop until you know everything but trust me when I say some things are better left unsaid. I will try to answer as many questions as I can but there are things I cannot speak of Laura."

I nodded slightly, feeling considerably surprised and excited at the prospect of gaining some knowledge on the matter which had been plaguing me for a week now. Picking up the imagine with the two small children, I began with asking who she was. A pained look crossed Johnathon's face before he responded.

"Her name was Elizabeth; she was the daughter of one of father's friends. We were quite close growing up together, she was there for everything, I had secrets that only she knew of and I hers." He took out the golden locket and placed it onto my open palm before continuing.

"I knew about all those night where you sneaked off and hid in the landing to overhear mother and father's discussions, they had been having the same argument since before you were even born. Father has always been concerned about my behaviour and was quite disturbed that I did not have an eye on any one women as I approached the age to be betrothed. What he did not know at least not at first was that I did have my eye on someone, someone whom I could never have." He paused, stood and brushed the lint and dust from his white slacks. I could see from the longing in his eyes that he was elsewhere. That our conversation took him back to a place in his heart that defied storytelling. After a few minutes he resumed his seat and attempted a smile.

"I am sorry, and I did not mean to make you cry. The pain is mine alone. When father found out about my... other love." Johnathon paused once again. The light coming in through the stained glass window, that he designed, shadows part of his handsome face. He looks otherworldly; elfin almost, "My other love", He repeats hypnotically, then continued with the matter at hand, "Father went into a rage - a bad one - and then arranged that I marry Elizabeth, neither of us had much of a choice in the matter and to be sincere she was my best and only option. My only regret was that I could never love her in the way that she deserved, we were friends and that is all we were, nothing more. She knew that, she knew everything; even who I truly desired."

Johnathon took the box I was still holding and took out the second image of Elizabeth and himself sitting at a table and continued to speak with tone of hopelessness. "I have spent my entire existence hiding away my wants and desires to keep the peace and not bring disgrace to the family but it is exhausting having to play someone that you are not every waking hour of the day and it does not get easier with time, in fact it gets increasingly more difficult." Johnathon cleared his throat and placed the photograph back in the box. He turned his body to completely face me, staring intently into my eyes.

"The evening before we were sent away to Aunt Delilah's estate, you had just fallen asleep in mothers lap when she looked at me not with anger but with sympathy, she knew I was different from the moment I could walk and talk but never said anything. She told me to look after you and make sure you never felt the way I did, that you never had to play the part or be someone that you were not." He placed his hand on the side of my face and with his thumb gently wiped away my tears.

"What happened to Elizabeth and the child she was carrying?" I asked. The tears continued to stream down my flushed cheeks as I picked up the image of a pregnant Elizabeth, passing it to him. The edges of his mouth slightly turned down as a look of pain covered his face but he did not say anything until I asked a second time.

"Elizabeth did not make it through childbirth as for the child that is something I cannot speak of, I am sorry but there are things you cannot know yet." By the look in his eyes I knew our talk had come to an end

Taking in everything he had told me I slowly stood up and walked to the door, I turned back to him before I stepped out with one final question.

"What is a boy or a girl?" He smiled slightly with a twinkle in his eyes before replying

"It was a beautiful baby girl."