South Park-Freaks in Love

Chapter 16

Cartman walked into Token's place unimpressed. What type of party doesn't serve quadruple stuffed Oreos? He loudly munched on some chips and sat on a couch, already bored. Even if he wasn't "invited", Cartman still had the right to get entertainment. He looked over to a crowd of people and saw Clyde in the center, taking shots left and right. "Hey Clyde!"

Clyde stopped in mid drink and staggered over to Cartman. "Wazzup bro? I'll tell you what's up-the sky! You know what else? Your mom's legs! Oh, buuurrrrrrn!"

"Ouch, you really hurt mah feels, dude. But you know what would make you even more badass? " Cartman replied with a smirk

"What could make me more badass? Hmm, interdasting. Continue peasant."

"This magical kewl drink called...um, Yellow Piss-azz. Yea, Yellow Piss-azz. And you're in luck because I have a bottle of it with me. But, of course, Yellow Piss-azz is not free, if you know what I mean."

Clyde thought about this momentarily and nodded. "Ok. One blow job for the Yellow Piss-azz."

Cartman almost lost it right there. Was Clyde that fucking wasted? He made a mental note to give Clyde hell about this conversation at school.

"No, no, a BJ isn't necessary. I'd say it cost about 80 bucks."

"Well I only gots 100, so will that be enough?"

"Totally. Nice doing business with you." Cartman took the money from Clyde and handed him the bottle of warm urine. Don't ask why he had a container filled with pee in his pocket.

Clyde gave a drunken smile to Cartman before gulping down the entire drink. Cartman exploded in laughter and in between breaths he explained to Clyde what just happened. "You-you...oh my God, you just paid me 100 fucking dollars to drink some piss! Holy fucking shit! I can't take it Clyde, you are so goddamn stupid!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Clyde looked confused but shrugged it off."You're jush jelly of me." He spotted Craig from across the room and ran after him."Craig! Notice me Senpai! Senpai come back and notice meeeeee!!!"

Cartman stomach hurt from laughing so hard. He smiled when two certain people walked into the party. "Target acquired: Windy The Bitch Testaburger. Goal: Make that sexy hoe fall in love with me...or at least a date."

              ~~~~~~~~~~~

Cartman discreetly followed Wendy for about half an hour until he came to a realization. What would he say to her?

"'Oh,hey Wendy. I was wondering if maybe you want to go out sometime?' No, that's some lame shit Stan would say. Well, at least the old Stan. 'You, me, Rasians, 5 o'clock' Nah, she'd be like, 'Eric, since I'm a crazy feminist bitch, you have to ask me correctly and politely, blah,blah,blah.' Ugh why is she so confusing?...Wait, where is she?"

He scanned the room for her signature pink hat and saw her enter the bathroom. "I'll just stand out beside the door,then when she leaves, I'll ask her. No big deal."

Cartman took his position outside the door. Before he could stop her, Bebe pulled the door open and laughed. "Windy? Are you getting freaky in there?"

He noticed the puke on her dress and assumped that she was drunk. Bebe paused her laughing then suddenly called Wendy a slut and ran out. Cartman peaked in to see what happened and nearly had a heart attack.

Wendy was making out with Kyle Broflovski.

The. Fucking. Jew.

Cartman froze. He didn't know whether to scream or cry. So he just stood there in shock. "Of course Kahl would do this...I fucking hate him so much!" And he actually meant it this time.

Wendy ran out of the restroom and called after Bebe. He looked at Kyle. He had passed out. Cartman slowly got out a marker and drew a penis on his forehead.

"This is just the beginning, Kahl" He whispered.

After that, Cartman quickly left the party and headed home. Revenge was in the air.

             ~~~~~~~~~~~

He checked the time. 6:00am.

Cartman had already left a little present for Kyle and now it was Wendy's turn.

He would deliver it personally.

Cartman stood in her backyard and could see her bedroom window. "Ok, kids, we're going to do this just like we practiced. 1,2,3-"

The group of Kindergartners cleared their throats and began to sing:

"Well, Wendy's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls."

Wendy woke up and looked out of the window. When she realized what was going on, her confusion turned into anger.

"On Monday, she's a bitch, on Tuesday, she's a bitch, on Wensday through Saturday, she's a bitch. Then, on Sunday, just to be different, she's a super king Kamehameha beeotch!"

"I don't know what the hell you're doing, Eric, but you better fucking stop!!!" Wendy yelled. Cartman smiled sweetly and urged the children to keep singing.

"Have you ever met my friend, Wendy, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch! Wendy's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch!"

Cartman pulled out a fake microphone, looked Wendy in the eye, and sung his solo:

"Wendy, she's a big fat fucking biiiiiiitcchhh! Oh yea, she's a bitch!" He paused and spoke in his regular voice. "In case you didn't get the message, you're a bitch."

Wendy's face was red with rage. She closed her curtains. Cartman could hear her stomp down the stairs. Wendy opened the backyard door and was practically shaking in anger.

"Damn, she looks cute in pajamas..."

Wendy spoke in a low and dangerous tone,"Eric, I consider that you get these kids out of my yard because I do not want them to see what I'm about to do."

He chuckled and sent the kids out. Cartman faced Wendy, curious to see exactly what she would do.

"You've really outdone yourself this time. The Bitch song? A classic from 3rd grade, nice. But can I ask you something?" Cartman nodded. "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO THIS TYPE OF SHIT? WHAT DID I EVER FUCKING DO TO YOU ERIC?" Wendy shouted.

"You're a bitch, duh!"

"I'M A BITCH? I'M WOULDN'T BE SO 'BITCHY' IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH AN ASSHOLE! I SWEAR, IT'S LIKE YOU LITERALLY TARGET ME AND ONLY ME TO FUCK WITH! IS IT FUNNY TO SEE ME ANGRY? ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS, FATASS? YOU'RE JUST A SICK, CHILDISH, SELFISH-ASS BASTARD! FUCK YOU, ERIC CARTMAN!"

Most people would've been devastated at her response and apologize immediately. But we're dealing with Eric Cartman. All he felt was rage.

"YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I ACT LIKE THIS, WINDY? IT'S BECAUSE I LIKE YOU! AFTER I SAW YOU LAST NIGHT WITH KYLE, I FLIPPED OUT! THERE, HAPPY BITCH?"

"That fucking slut deserves it....holy shit, did I just confess?!?!"

A/N-Senpai, you noticed me! The song, as most of you should know, is an altered version of "Kyle's Mom's a Bitch" Go search it up if you haven't seen it yet, it's hilarious! Please come back soon, Senpai, don't forget to vote and comment!