South Park-Freaks in Love

Chapter 24

On Monday Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman sat together at lunch for the first time in weeks. They attempted to have usual High School banter, talking about gossip and Mr.Garrison's always in question sexuality/gender.

"My parents are gone and all you guys can talk about is whether Mr.Garrison has a vagina or not." Stan quietly interrupted Cartman, who was currently explaining that said teacher was too poor to afford another vagina and was simply gay.

All talking had turned into an awkward silence. "Dude," Kyle began,"We tried to find them and it got us arrested. What can we do?"

"So you're saying to just give up?"

"No, he's saying that we can't do this by ourselves." Kenny finished.

"...As I was saying, why would Mr.Garrison become a lady again?" Cartman debated as he bit into his chicken nugget. "Cleary he's hella gay. Then again he held an Anti- Gay rally when Mr.Slave left him...but he was a women back then so does it count? I don't-"

"Uh fellas, there's some guys outside that wanna talk to Stan. They look kinda shady..." Butters said as he walked over to their table.

"Dammit stop interrupting meh!" Cartman yelled. "Anyways, I don't even remember if Mr. Garrison got back together with Mr. Slave when he became a dude again. Didn't Mr. Slave marry Big Gay Al?"

Stan rolled his eyes at Cartman and went outside. Kyle followed. "Stay here." Kenny said to Butters, "I'm serious." He left Butters and Cartman at the table. Butters could feel his face turn read as Kenny's comment from Saturday night resurfaced in his mind.

"Aw fuck you got the hots for Kinny don't you? I thought you had a thing for Kahl but apparently I was wrong." Cartman scoffed. "I-I don't got the h-hots for a-a-anyone, okay? I ain't g-gay." Butters choked on the last word, his blush getting even worse.

"Mm-hm, whatever you say...*cough* fag".

             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a black van parked in front of the school. Stan made a beeline for it, not questioning when Kyle and Kenny followed. He was actually happy he had his friends with him.

"Yo, is you Stan Marsh?" There were three people leaning on the side of the van. The first one who had spoke, had a snake tattoo on his arm and was very muscular. The second one was the exact opposite, short,fat, and sweaty. The third wore baggy clothing and had long hair, so you couldn't really tell if they were a dude or a chick. They all smelled like alcohol and cigarettes.

"Y-Yeah. Where are my parents?" Stan responded, trying not to let his voice falter.

"Hehe, just get in the van and we'll take you to them." The Long-Haired one spoke in a low voice. The boys were still not sure if he/she was male or female.

"Uh no. Just give us his parents, we'll pay whatever ransom." Kenny said.

"Da'fuck did he say?" The Tattooed one mumbled to Sweaty. Sweaty raised his shoulders confusion.  Kenny often forgot most people couldn't understand him under his parka. He lifted down his hoodie and repeated his statement.

"Oh." Long-Hair mumbled,"Well I wasn't asking. I was ordering." Long-Hair pulled out a gun from their waistband. "Get in."

The three boys complied immediately, the same thing on their minds: Holy Fuck.

            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Stan, Kyle, and Kenny aren't back yet 'nd lunch is almost over. Do you think somethin' bad happened?" Butters asked Cartman.

"I don't know or care. They are probably having some gay orgy, too bad you couldn't be apart of it huh? I'd bet you'd love that." Cartman replied as he finished his food.

"You know what? I wouldn't 'love' that because they're my friends. I'm sick 'nd tired of hearing you talking about them being gay 'nd whatnot. Even if they were it shouldn't matter because they're your friends too. They could be gettin' gang-raped or somethin' right now and all you can focus on is insulting them. You only care about yourself...A-And if you except Wendy to like you, you need to get your act together 'nd be a decent human being for once." Butters said in rush, the words out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"You finally grew a pair dude! Congrats. But I basically already have Wendy and I don't give two fucks about them. If you wanna go play peace-maker, go ahead, but leave me out of it." Cartman said coldly, leaving Butters alone at the table.

Butters huffed and crossed his arms. "I want to help them, I know they're in trouble...But I thought that last time too and we got arrested. I ain't no hero. They can handle it themselves." 

                ~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay we're here." Tattoo announced.

Sweaty removed the blindfolds from the boys eyes with a grunt. Long-Hair roughly guided them out of the van, causing them to squint at the sudden exposure to sunlight."In there." He/She said, pointing to the only building in sight. Ernie's Spa & Suana a sign said. The place was a faint light blue, in good condition.

Not taking another moment to even question the location, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny entered the facility.

"Surprise!" Mr. and Mrs. Marsh yelled. They were in bathrobes, looking ridiculously calm.

"Surprise? What the hell..." Kyle muttered.

"Oh sorry, let me explain" Mr.Marsh started, "This was a basic  test for our family. The usual, 'see what happens when drug-dealers kidnap the parents' type of deal. Your mother and I were a bit disappointed you didn't call the police immediately and you agreed to go in some strangers van- never mind that, the point is we're just glad to see you!"

"Maybe you'll do better next time, right Randy?" Mrs. Marsh added. Mr. Marsh nodded in reply.

Stan felt a layer of relief shed over him, soon replaced by anger. "What?! I-I thought-"

"Shh it's okay. Even though you failed, it's okay. Everything's fine. There's no gang members after us or Shelly." His dad said.

Stan sputtered out a few words, attempting to make sense of it but eventually gave up. He took a deep breath. "Okay. Can we go back to school now?"

"Oh yeah," Long-Hair, who along with Tattoo and Sweaty was inside, replied," We can head back now. Sorry about being kinda rough, it's what gets us paid ya know?"

"Don't forget to unload your gun, we can't get caught with another loaded one." Tattoo reminded Long-Hair. She/He nodded and took out the weapon to disarm it, but accidentally pulled the trigger during the act. Before you knew it, Kenny was on the floor, blood pouring out of his chest.

"Oh my God, you killed Kenny!" Stan yelled.

"You Bastard!" Kyle followed.

"Okay really boys you've been doing that since you were 8 it's not charming anymore." Mrs. Marsh said flatly. "See you at home."

A/N- OKAY. FINALLY. HERE YOU FUCKING GO. I bet you all hate me huh?